by Karolyn Hart 

Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde.  You might not want to admit it but you may have more in common with them then you think.  You know what I am talking about. You are a nice person who generally wants happiness for those around you.  But there is an ugly side that you try to keep hidden.  It blind-sides you every time.  A peer gets a much deserved promotion or a friend tells you about her amazing ‘five-star’ adventure around the world and BAM it hits you - jealousy.

We’ve all experienced the familiar pang as we’ve watched someone move on to something bigger or better and secretly felt irked that it wasn’t happening to us.  For the most part, people can do a pretty good job hiding this ugly side of them. After all nobody wants to actually admit they are feeling this way.  The first time I felt the pang was when I saw a friend become hugely successful at a young age. I was truly happy for my friend and yet frustrated for myself.   The ironic thing was that shortly after I experienced my own success.  I decided then and there to get to the bottom of my feelings and to understand where the jealousy was coming from so that I could remove it from my life.  Here is how I was able to remove the “green monster” from my life.

1. Recognize Abundance - Not Limitations
In the book “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” the author discusses the ‘pie-principle’.  Simply put, there are two kinds of individuals. The first person sees a piece of the pie taken and concludes that soon there will be none left. This kind of person sees the success of others as a threat to their own happiness because they have decided that there is only so much pie to go around. Beginning to understand that when it comes having a piece of the success pie there are no limits. It is ever-enlarging and there is plenty for everyone.

By not placing limitations on yourself you will begin to view a world of possibilities that were previously hidden from you.  If the promotion you wanted was given to someone else then understand that your own opportunity must be just around the corner.  Decide ahead of time to keep your eyes open for the opportunities that you may be overlooking.

2. Document Your Blessings
It sounds so simple and yet this is one of the most powerful ways of ridding yourself of jealousy.  Everyone has blessings in their lives but the real trick is to actually recognize them.  Start by writing down all the thing’s in your life that you are grateful for. Start each day off reading your list.  It will help you start on a positive note and keep you centered on those thing’s that truly matter - and don’t forget to keep adding to it.  If you can’t think of any then start with these. Be thankful for:

• Your Full Tummy
  Over 842 million people go to bed every night hungry.

• Make over $30.00/mth?
  Over 1.2 billion people make on average only one dollar a day.

• Roof Over Your Head?
  Then you are among the top percentage that are able to protect themselves from the elements.

• Your Loved Ones
  If you have one person in your life that would weep if you weren’t around then you can count yourself blessed.

3. Define Success For Yourself
I was sitting at lunch when my boss at the time (now mentor)  turned to me and asked -  “So Karolyn, how DO you define success?”  - I was dumbfounded.  I made a sarcastic comment about him giving me the raise I deserved during my review the next month, but it started me really thinking.  He already knew his success factors and quickly listed them for me.  As I listened to him talk about “life balance” and not money or power I realized that I needed to understand what was driving me.  If I didn’t define my success, how would I know when I had arrived? I started my definition of success by asking the following questions:

• What is important to me?

• What is the best part of my day right now?

• Is money my main motivator?

• Is recognition my main motivator?

• If I could do anything in the world for free - what would it be?

• If I had three wishes to change my life - what would they be?

• If I died tomorrow how would I want to be remembered?

After answering these questions I can easily tell you that “what” I am doing is not as important to me as the time spent with my family or friends.  While money is always nice I would never allow it to drive me into a position that bored me to tears or made me behave in a way that is not full of integrity.  Success to me is defined by the relationships I build whether at home or at work and the growth that I experience through them. 

4. See Your Path To Success
Perhaps one of the easiest ways to do away with jealousy is to look back at your own path without comparing yourself to others.  To help you recognize your own achievements ask yourself questions such as:

• What talents do I have?

• What major event/milestone did I overcome in the past 10 years?

• What has brought me the most happiness in the last 5 years?

• What is the one thing that I would NOT change about myself.

Perhaps you have nothing materially but have survived an organ transplant.  The fact that you are alive is your success path.  You have achieved what you set out to do.  Not everyone is provided with the same opportunities, gifts or talents. If, for example you have dreamt of being a famous singer and cannot sing on-key then your likelihood of success is limited. In the history of music only one person has actually made a career from bad singing and while we all love William Hung’s version of “She Bangs” this fad will pass soon enough. 

Tune into your existing talents and realize what you have already accomplished and that you are already a success.
 

Filed under: Author Karolyn, Relationships