by Karolyn Hart

“A famous Harvard study found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairment as they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life.”

Wow! So then why is it with all the social networking and “friends” being made that so many women are still lonely?

When I started Thrive in 2003 I got a tremendous response. Obviously I wasn’t the first to develop a way to connect online - so then why did I get such a big response? It came down to the premise of Thrive which was to meet friends online and take it offline - into the real world. At the time I had read an article about the “lost sense of community” with women. It really hit home and I decided that I wanted to reclaim that sense of community.** I was on the right track!

“A landmark UCLA study suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They sooth our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and even help us remember who we really are.“ 

What’s interesting is that I am a very active person with lots of great friends. I would agree with both of these studies and say that generally I am healthier and happier for it!  Yet one Friday night I signed off the computer from talking with all my friends and was struck by how lonely I was. The husband was working nights and it was just me my dog and two cats. I ate my mac and cheese, let out a big sigh and went to bed. I had several friends I could have called to go for coffee, or grab a movie with, but something was eating at me. I wanted more and none of those activities were going to cut it.

Fast forward to 2006 where I am shooting an episode for GCTV on life in the 19th century. Hazel (one of my best friends and co-host of the show) is tying me into a girdle to begin our life on the farm for the day. We spent the entire day working alongside of a group of women we had just met. We chopped wood, gardened, fed the pigs, and groomed the horses. We sat and ate our meals together and the entire time we chatted.

When we left our shoot at the end of the day something magical had happened. Both Hazel and I felt so connected to this group of strangers. We mentioned it to the women and they all gave us a “knowing” smile. They even mentioned that they have a high amount of relationships that end up in marriage because of the environment. Now try this on for size - it’s a FAKE pioneer community. It’s not even real but the community spirit is so strong that it feels very, very real.

It made me realize why Thrive got such a huge response. Making friends online is not enough.  Taking that friendship offline makes a huge difference but nothing compares to when we are gathered in groups.  It ends up that we are literally wired for it! That same landmark UCLA study says:

“that women respond to stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women. It seems that when the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers the fight or flight response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead.”

We are wired to gather together and to make a difference!  This is the premise of Thrive and we’re just getting started. If you want to meet and connect with women who actually live in your community then be sure to join www.livewiththrive.ning.com and be the first to start your own local chapter.  We’re here to walk you through the process of connecting, of growing, and giving that is scientifically proven to make your life better!

So what are you waiting for? 

**(Side note: If ANYONE can help me find the community article I always refer to I would be forever grateful!!)

Filed under: Author Karolyn, Relationships