by Dr. Alexander Avila

After eighteen months of marriage, Mary and Ben were calling it quits. Why?

“I just couldn’t stand his messy habits,” said Mary in between visits to her divorce attorney. “He would never clean up after himself, and he totally disrupted my perfect, orderly house. It was a nightmare.”

Although opposites often attract, staying together in a successful long-term relationship can be an entirely different story. But now, there’s a new approach to relationships–the LoveType^TM system–that can show you how to develop a lasting relationship, even if you and your mate are psychologically different in one or more areas.

According to the LoveType^TM system, these are the three crucial issues you need to consider if you want to build a happy relationship with an opposite type–someone who is different from you on one or more key personality dimensions:

1. Are you, and your partner, more outgoing or inward seeking?
Introverts–the inward seekers–make up 45% of society, and like to get most of their energy from their own thoughts by spending plenty of time relaxing alone or with a few close friends. Introverts enjoy more quiet activities like reading, writing, thinking, listening to music, internet surfing, and the like. They tend to have a few close friends and like to go to social events early and leave early.

Extraverts–the outgoing people- make up 55% of society, and get most of their energy by socializing and being out in the external world. They enjoy music, dancing, clubs, parties, Vegas, comedy clubs, and places where there are plenty of people and social activity. They like to stay late at social functions, and tend to have a lot of friends and acquaintances.

Trouble Looms:
When Introverts want to spend a lot of private, quality time with their mates at home while Extraverts want their mates to go out with them socially and hang out with other people in social environments.

Solution:
Introverts: Give your Extraverts social space. When you don’t feel like socializing with them, let them have a night out with friends. Remember: Extraverts feel better about themselves (and their mates) when they are free to enjoy fun times with a large group of friends and acquaintances.

Extraverts: Recognize your Introvert’s need for quiet time alone. Also, be sensitive to their social energy level. When on a date, ask your Introvert: “Honey, is it too loud or crowded in here?” Introverts will definitely love you for being so considerate about their need for quiet space and time.

2. Are you, and your partner, practical or imaginative?
Sensors–the practical people– make up 70% of society, and like to experience life and love in a practical, realistic, and down-to-earth manner. They want their partners to provide them with tangible expressions of love: flowers, trips, backrubs, financial support, help around the house, and so forth.Intuitives–the imaginative people–make up 30% of the population and are ruled by their imagination and sense of what is possible. They love it when their mates join them in stimulating, creative conversations about ideas, possibilities, and making a difference in the world. They enjoy going to seminars and activities related to the arts, psychology, philosophy, science, spirituality, and finding the meaning in life.

Trouble Looms: When Sensors think their Intuitive mates are foolish, unrealistic dreamers, and Intuitives think their Sensor partners are boring, “stick-in-the muds” who squash their creative ideas.

Solution:
Intuitives need to respect their Sensor mates’ handy, practical skills (taxes, anyone?), while helping them fulfill their goals of building a safe, comfortable, and secure life.

Sensors need to pay listen to their Intuitive partners’ grand plans and dreams without undue criticism (some of those exotic dreams could come true), and be patient with the Intuitive’s lack of practical skills (”How do you work that DVD player again?”).

3. Are you, and your partner, spontaneous or structured?
Judgers are the structured people (60% of society) who live by order, cleanliness, and schedules. They can always be counted on to be organized and to follow-through on the things they decide to do.

Perceivers are the spontaneous people (40% of society) who are flexible, spontaneous, and not as attuned to time and organization constraints. They like to “play things by ear” and “go with the flow.” They may be a little late or messy, but they’ld rather live in a more open, free-flowing way.

Trouble looms:
When Judgers see their spontaneous partners as being exasperatingly late, messy, and irresponsible, and spontaneous people see their structured mates as being compulsively time-driven, control freaks who can’t have any fun if things aren’t arranged exactly the way they want it.

Solution:
Structured people: Cut your spontaneous mate some slack on the messiness and time issues; you’re not going to change them. Learn to appreciate their fun and spontaneous nature, and hire a maid if you have to.

Spontaneous people: Compromise a little and respect your structured mate’s orderly and time-sensitive lifestyle. Don’t forget: Without them, you would be really late on your bills, and you might have to hire a personal organizer.

THE BOTTOM LINE: It’s amazing what a positive difference you can make in your relationship by merely acknowledging and respecting your partner’s unique personality style. The more you’re able to do this, the more you will find your partner accepting your personal style as the two of you move closer to creating a harmonious relationship that lasts a lifetime.

DR. ALEXANDER AVILA holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and a doctorate in jurisprudence. A popular college professor, public speaker, and relationship authority, Dr. Avila has been conducting LoveType [TM] seminars throughout Southern California since 1993, helping his students achieve successful relationships that last a lifetime.  Buy the book here!

LoveTypes International^TM
Contact Dr. Avila at
www.lovetypes.com and lovetype4u@aol.com
for your FREE lovetypes.com membership and to receive your FREE report: The 4 Magic Questions I Need to Ask to Find (and Keep) My Soul Mate

Filed under: Relationships