by Karolyn Hart    

Most sites done by women for women have one thing in common - man bashing!  Thrive is about helping women to thrive in their lives and to really see the positive in the world around us.  That doesn’t mean that some of our readers (and indeed even some of writers) are always warm and fuzzy towards the opposite sex.  What I hope to do is to help us appreciate ALL the differences the world has to offer and that doesn’t mean we have to agree.  It just means we need to stand back and appreciate it for what it is.

Who’s to Blame?
This past week I read an article by a man who dedicated an entire book to show how women are the cause of much evil.  He wrote the book after his wife divorced him, took their five houses, and his kids and went on her merry way.  Now before you roll your eyes and say “Typical man. Gets hurts and every woman is to blame.” I found it interesting that his respones is the exact same as most women after a nasty divorce.

Come on Ladies - you KNOW what I am talking about.  I’ve been to my share of “divorce parties” (you know the night you spend with your girlfriends in a lame attempt to feel better about the fact that you are walking through the  most painful time of your life) and I’ve heard first the comments first hand that women make.

“All men are pigs.”
“There are no good men in the world.”
“Wouldn’t the world be a better place if women were in charge”.  

The thing is that pain is  just that - painful.  It doesn’t matter if your are a man or a woman.  A broken heart is a broken heart and when it happens to us we want to blame something, someone, or heck an entire group of humans that we can fire our pain at on a whim.

Appreciating Men
The fact is that I really appreciate men.  I’m blessed. I had a great Dad who instilled in me the hope that men can be kind, caring, funny, and generous human beings.  That put me leaps and bounds ahead of most women and the experiences they’ve had. 

Then I got married. ha ha. Suddenly, the differences between men and women were glaringly apparent.  After many ups and downs, and what I will say has to do with me growing up a whole lot - I’ve come to truly appreciate that men are wired so differently and I am very grateful!

I appreciate the fact that when I am losing my mind (as we hormonal woman tend to do) that my husband keeps his.  I appreciate them in business as well.  Now don’t get all defensive here ladies - but honestly - in many many respects they are MUCH easier to work with.

In business( and in general) men handle conflict better.  If there is a difference - BAM - it’s laid on the table.  In fact, you can have a down right blow out with a man, come to terms, and walk out of the meeting knowing it’s dealt with. I mean REALLY REALLY dealt with.

There won’t have to be follow-up meetings to make sure that “we’re still good”, nor will there be a mandatory follow-up “girl lunch” to re-establish our bond and make sure “we’re still good”, and after dealing with the man (well most men) you can be pretty sure they aren’t going to go out of their way to be nasty to you.

It’s the old “So we had a fight. Wanna go for a beer? syndrome - and it’s AWESOME.

The thing is that men’s minds just work so differently from ours.  At every point of a women’s being we are considering relationships.  Consider the way a man and woman look at a house.  A woman decorates the entire thing from top to bottom, cleans it continually, and when I compliment is made on the house it makes her day. Why? She sees the house of an extension of herself. A compliment to her house is a compliment on who she IS as a person.

Guys - they see the house as the place where eat and sleep.  If they want it to feel comfortable - they put some nice things in.  If you like their house  - good for you - if you don’t, that’s just your opinion.

See the difference?

In the workplace the same motivation is in effect. Women see their work as an “extension” of themselves. Men see their work, as the work they produce. It’s good, it’s bad, heck maybe it’s just mediocre - that doesn’t mean it reflects WHO they are. How many women get defensive when their work is criticized and they don’t understand  why? The fact is that treating your work the way a man does can transform your work day.

Adopting a Male’s Viewpoint 
I’m going to admit that I’ve adopted the man’s way in the workplace. 

OH NO! You scream out. She’s compromised herself.  It’s actually quite the opposite - it was 100% liberating!  Since I treat my work like a man I don’t take it personally when someone disagrees with my work.  If they feel something needs to be changed then so be it.  I do it because it’s the right thing to do.  Comments on my work make it better and just because they disagree with me on how I worded something doesn’t mean they disapprove of me.

Other areas I’ve adopted from men that I respect is that I do not waste my energy on gossip - because frankly - I’m usually to busy and I like to make my own first-hand opinions about people. When I do my work, I do it well and do my best every single time and then I leave it there - at work.  I come home and pour myself into everything else that requires my attention. 

Men compartmentalize and there is a need for it.  It helps to decrease stress by not worrying about everything all at once. Adopting a male’s viewpoint in the workplace has absolutely made my life easier.  It’s not just at the workplace that I’ve learned and taken cues from men that have made my life more peaceful.

Ladies - does it not amaze you that you can ask your man what he is thinking about and he can say “NOTHING” and mean it? I mean the guy really IS thinking about nothing. It’s fascinated me ever since I can remember. 

My mind always seems to be running, thinking, planning, sorting, scheduling, etc etc. So having my very own man to pepper with questions  I asked him how he does it. His answer?

He just does.

The guy is brilliant. The fact is that men can prioritize on numerous levels and just decide to do certain things. They decide to go bed - and they just do. (They don’t clean the entire house on their way to bed.)  When I first got that answer I had no idea even what to make of it.  Then one night in bed, I was unable to sleep, and he suggested that I just “decide” to turn off my brain.

I cried in a pathetic whimper “but I don’t know howww.” (Man, I annoy myself sometimes!) Without missing a beat he simply said “Jjust picture a switch in your mind, walk over to it, and shut it off.”  So I did and amazingly the next morning when I woke up I realized it had worked.

I  had indeed thought of nothing and it was gloriously relaxing.

So my question to you dear women of Thrive! is what has the opposite sex taught you that has made a positive impact in your life? 

Filed under: Author Karolyn, Relationships