by Jackie Savi-Cannon

“In a juvenile way, I felt a bit cheated.”

Ironically, I have always had a major life changing event occur when hitting a milestone birthday. I was pregnant with my son when my thirtieth birthday came. When most people were throwing parties or out on the town having drinks sent to them, I was drinking juice and taking prenatal vitamins. In a juvenile way, I felt a bit cheated. When it came time for my fortieth birthday in 2008, I was finishing off my chemotherapy treatment. Once again, I wasn’t able to approach that turning point like most women. My hair was growing back but I was far from looking like my old self.

In some ways my cancer diagnosis taught me to let go of my ego and aging. Its timing also confused my emotions regarding my overall self image. I would often wonder, were the emotions and insecurities I was feeling because of my cancer or totally normal because I was approaching forty. I felt cheated because as a health and wellness professional I enjoyed being fit and keeping up with the young ones. Now because of the effects of my treatment I felt like I looked even older. One of the effects of treatment was being pushed into early menopause. I had the joy of experiencing regular hot flashes. Most days I pressed on because after dealing with the long duration and intensity of cancer treatment, aging seemed trivial. I had learned to appreciate my body and the strength it showed me to endure the gruesome process of treatment. I was very grateful that despite surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, it still allowed me to participate and enjoy my everyday pleasures in life. Then there were the days when I despised my short hair and softening body. I mourned my old self.

“I now try to focus on my opportunities I have as a wise forty something woman.“

It took me some time to learn to distinguish the source of my concerns. Over time I was able to harness both. I have learned to be patient with my physical ‘come back’. As hard as it is some days, I am doing my best to rediscovery my activity program and eating plan that suits my menopausal mind and body. I am using the energy I spent criticizing and judging my appearance to reinvent myself. This is I enjoy. I realized that there were so many gifts that I had gained through my illness and the wisdom I had gained in my forty years, was priceless. I now try to focus on my opportunities I have as a wise forty something woman. I have come to realize that those in their forties are the visionaries of their generation. For the most part, we have completed our education and have accumulated work experience either in the home or out. We have been on the planet long enough to have learned from our history but are still young enough to embrace change. I am very excited for the future. I am part of the change that is happening all around us. Those of us in our forties are now becoming the decision makers. It is our youthful optimism combined with our life experience that makes the future exciting. I am thrilled to be a part of it.

I don’t think there is a real need to fixate on our chronological age. In doing that we focus on our mortality and anxiety over aging and death. I strongly feel we waste so much of our energy worrying over things that have no beneficial effect on our life experience. The only absolute is the here and now and the manner in which we perceive it. So now most days I am a blend of ages. I see the world through the best moments of my teens, twenties, thirties and forties. I use my mature confidence and vision to imagine the endless possibilities that lie ahead of me and every other forty something person willing to dream. As like any other obstacle, if you look beyond the obvious challenge, there lies a world of bliss.

Filed under: Author Jackie, Life, Spring Chick