Ode To Erma Bombeck…

by Jackie-Savi Cannon

Most everyone has encountered Erma Bombeck’s piece If I Had My Life To Do Over.   (You can read it below if you haven’t)  This piece would pass often through viral emails way before I myself was diagnosed.  I would always think on my mom and how she cam from the generation that did exactly what Erma would do over.  I knew at some point I needed to reconcile the fact that my mom would have her own revelations in the manner she was meant to.  Facing my own mortality at a young age helped me understand the closure a parent desires as they move into their senior years. I realized the best gift I could give her as a daughter was to succeed in a way that was true to who I am – risks and all.  I also freely accepted the responsibility that came with creating my own map.

Each time I read If I Had My Life To Do Over, her message rang so clear.
It was incredibly real.  Each line captures an enormous amount of regret created by various points in her past.  I understood the importance of her message.  I had worked with thousands of women over my career and witnessed this regret on a daily basis.  I genuinely tried to learn from each of them.  I often reminisce of New Years Eve of 2005.  I was diagnosed in 2006.  Totally oblivious as to what was ahead of me, during dinner I expressed to Jay that if I had to die –not that I wanted to – but if I had to, I was content with the course of my life.  I felt I had lived to my potential given the opportunities and challenges I had.  I can’t help but think I was intuitively laying the groundwork for what lay ahead.

Many women like Erma, have tried to pass on this valuable wisdom; this notion of being mindful to what is important and letting go of the stuff that clutters happiness.  She reinforces the value of relationships and connections.  I think we have reached a point in our society where people are actually listening and trying to seize the opportunity of life.  I am following Erma’s lead but am focusing on passing on ideas of optimizing the present.  I have come to a point where I realized my current truth.  Coming from the fitness industry where athletic performance is currency, I gauged my achievement on what I could control.  Now I gauge my success by how much I can let go.  The lighter my soul feels the more space I have to absorb the wonders of the most mundane moments.

When I fold laundry, I feel blessed to have clothing for my family.  I picture them warm and cozy – content. When I prepare meals, I make sure to take in the palette and aromas of all the ingredients.  I see the nourishment my family will receive – my legacy. I watch closely for those moments where your children throw you a bone of hope that they really are paying attention to your words.

Instead of living moments as if they were my last – I try to live them with no sense of time or space. They just are.  Alas I am at a different point in my life compared to Erma.  If I could tweak the last line to reflect my own observations, it would read something like…

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute…look at it and really see it…live it…absorb every bit of it and then pass it on so it can exponentially grow and touch others.  This to me gives us a connection that leaves us immortal and maybe makes death a little less scary.

Below you will find a copy of Erma Bombeck’s piece If I Had My Life To Do Over.  After each line you will notice my own comments in brackets as I prepared to write this piece.  I encourage you to ponder each passage as I did.  It is an easy way to do a quick inventory on what may be going on inside – under the noise.

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more. (Let go of ego – absorb other person’s energy)

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded. (I believe I have tried – I have the stains for memories)

I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. (Many times I had no choice)

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. (I am getting better.  I now have mortality in common)

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. (Baldness tamed my ego – I still care but in a healthier way)

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. (Done)

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains. (I try to absorb moments)

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television – and more while watching life. (Totally!)

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband. (I think I am)

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day. (Done and I can’t stress how important this is.)

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. (Everything around me must inspire me in some way.)

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. (I think this is the human side of motherhood.)

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”  (Such a fine line)

There would have been more “I love you’s”.. More “I’m sorrys” … (Yes)

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it … live it…and never give it back.  (I would change the last line so we no longer have to fear death.)

© Erma Bombeck