Change is a reality of the human experience. As we age we are physically altered. Our culture evolves. Trends and technology change. Yet mentally for some reason, we can not let go. The first response when we are challenged to change is always the same.

“Why is this happening to me?”
Asking why will set you up for failure. In asking why, you are creating a dialogue that is searching to place blame on someone or thing for making this happen to you. In placing blame, you are giving your power to external circumstances.

In doing so, you are denying yourself the opportunity to be accountable for your life experience. I cannot stress enough the importance of realizing that you are in the driver’s seat. The power of choice is exponential.If you find yourself saying “Yes but I don’t have a supportive spouse” or “There are no opportunities at my job” or (my all time favourite) “That is the way it has always been” you must realize that you are CHOOSING to be there.  We once thought the world was flat because that was the way it had always been, until someone chose to question it!Get in the driver’s seat!
If you have lived your life with someone else in the driver’s seat for a long length of time, you have conditioned your mind to justify it. You have created a reality which supports the notion that the world around you is to blame for your challenges. In doing this, you have given away your most precious asset – your choice to be accountable.

“There is no way I can do this.” “I am in too deep.”
Sorry, not true. Anything can be fixed. Yes, I do mean anything. Sometimes the perception of what the solutions are needs to be modified or changed but there is always an answer. People who are accountable eventually find them. Those who are not find more excuses. Don’t ignore your inner voice or gut feeling.

There are further problems to riding as a passenger through life. Your inner voice knows it is wrong. It sends you messages but out of fear you try and turn down the volume. You may bury it by eating too much, smoking, drinking, buying things you do not need, sleeping with men you hardly know, living in clutter and disorganization. This daily battle is exhausting. So it is no wonder you are left feeling burnt out and unfulfilled.

“Why do I choose to be so negative and self-defeating?”
Let’s change that to “What can I do to stop this pattern of negative, self-defeating thinking?” In order to change any behaviour, we must first get a clear sense of what that behaviour is. Here is a simple exercise.

Keep track of every negative thought that comes into your mind for one day. This includes statements like “I hate the way my butt looks in these jeans.” “I’m terrible with computers.” “Nice roots, what are you waiting for?”

I think you get my point.

For every thought, place a coin in a jar. If one day seems too long, try one hour. It is said we have tens of thousands of negative thoughts in one day so it wouldn’t take long to get the picture. Include everything. That means cursing when you stub your toe as well.

What this exercise illustrates is the weight of such negative thinking. Hold the jar and get a sense of its weight. Now imagine how much heavier it would be if you multiplied it by seven days; a month; a year. That is a lot of extra weight to carry that does not serve you any productive purpose.

Be the remedy.
Changing “why” to “what” gives you power. You become part of the solution. Give yourself permission to explore possible answers. No one is perfect so allow yourself time. I can’t tell you the number of times I have dropped my children off at school feeling like Joan Crawford from Mommy Dearest. All I was missing was a wire hanger dangling from my rear view mirror. Again instead of asking why I act this way, I quickly look to what I can do to prevent this behaviour.

Be part of the solution. Be the remedy.

Filed under: Author Jackie, Inspiring Women, Jackie Savi-Cannon, Life