Quick.  Answer this next question to yourself honestly “When was the last time you grumbled about a team mate under your breath?”  Next question. “What did you do about it?”

Your answer, whether you like it or not has just revealed whether you are an offender or a defender when it comes to your team mates.  Working in team environments over the last twenty years I have observed an obvious trend that healthy successful teams don’t grumble under their breath about their team mates performance and do nothing about it.  When you do, you’re an offender in the worst sense because you’re also a coward.  Ouch! Is that level of directness upsetting you? Then read on…

On any given day, and any given moment you are either acting as an offender or a defender within your team and your choices are impacting your personal success as well as your organization’s performance.  How? Let’s first explore the difference between the two:

A Defender is a person who:

• Protects.  They understand that grumbling about their team mates, spreading gossip, and speaking ill of others can kill an organization.  These actions breed mistrust and create a toxic environment.  For this reason, they are quick to shut down this level of immaturity and  lack of professionalism by challenging their team mates with questions such as “Well, did you ASK them about it?” “Do you understand their reasoning?” and my personal favourite “How about we talk about something productive?” The interesting thing about these individuals, is that while they may not be with the “in” group at the office and they may even ruffle feathers, in the end they are the most trusted.  People aren’t stupid.  They know if you are gossiping at someone in the office today, it could be them tomorrow.  Defenders are trusted and respected because they provide the same level of respect to everyone they work with.
• Directs. Deep down in the core of a defender is the understanding that regardless of their title they are a leader.  They have the power to influence and that means they have the power to direct others.  Their behaviour reflects their sense of inner confidence.  The world may be falling a part, but like a seasoned general caught in the cross fire, they are standing in the battle calling in for air support while everyone else is diving for cover.  These are the people who you know you can count on when the going gets tough and who you call in to the worst situations to achieve the best results.  If you are the emotional type, given to your own level of explosions based on the stress of your workplace then make a conscious choice to change.  I tell women in the workplace to visualize Hilary Clinton in the middle of an intense political situation and to ask themselves “Would she have a meltdown over this? Would she be making statements like “I am just so buried! I can’t keep up!”.  I certainly hope not for the sake of the US.  So the next time the printer breaks 5 minutes before your presentation, your boss dumps 20 unexpected files in your lap, and your work world is chaos – choose to direct not react.
• Respects. A defender understands that the team is only as strong as its weakest player and so brings their best to the game every day.  They know if they are unprepared while the rest of the team has worked to meet their deadline that they are holding back the group.  When they see a team member not delivering on their deadlines or struggling, they respect that team member and the organization by pulling them aside privately to understand the problem.  In the case of a lazy team member (because these people do exist) they never allow them to get away with it.  Respectfully, they hold that person accountable and do what is necessary to ensure the success of the project.
• Accepts. A defender accepts full responsibility for their actions in all areas.  Finger pointing is foreign to the defender.  When something isn’t delivered, a task not completed, an epic fail encountered – their first reaction is to look inward.  They ask the tough questions like “What could I have done differently?”, “Did I drop the ball on something?”, “What can I do better next time to make sure this doesn’t happen again?”.

So do you see yourself or are you feeling a guilty lump in your throat? In our next article will explore the characteristics of “Offenders” and discuss what to do when you have one in your life…or worse…if you realize you ARE one.

I was fortunate.  I had started my career extraordinarily early. Still in my mid twenties I had six years of corporate experience under my belt and I had just started a new job with a leader who believed in mentoring. (It’s hard to believe that I’m now in the 18th year of my professional life. Ugh. That’s for another article.)

Since the first day of my career in IT I had found myself surrounded in a male dominated industry and comfortable in meetings or working on projects where I was the only woman.  That said, the turning point and the launching point for me in my career was when my boss at the time gave me some precious insight.  For those of you young ladies (and even some older ones) who are in the midst of their career development, I wanted to pass along the Top 5 pieces of advice that I believe every woman who wants to succeed must embrace.  Here they are:

#1 – Your work is not WHO you are, it’s WHAT you do – so don’t be so defensive.
My boss at the time was a very progressive equal opportunity type guy.  That said, he pointed out that gender differences do exist.  Men and women tend to view everything about the world differently.  (If you doubt this, get married.)  He put it to me this way.  When a woman receives a compliment about her home it really means something to her.  Not so for many guys who see their home as they place they sleep, shower, and …you know.  That doesn’t mean they don’t take pride in their homes but the difference is that if you don’t like their home…they don’t take it personally.  Not so for many woman who see their homes  as an extension of their personalities. You insult a woman’s home and for many woman you are saying you don’t really like them.

This tends to translate into the workplace.  When a woman  has her work critiqued it can be a huge blow and if they aren’t prepared it can be disabling.  The thing you must understand is that criticism is a gift.  It helps you see the flaws or  gaps you can’t see and will ultimately make your end product strong.  Your goal is to get to the place where  you are the one initiating and seeking out the criticism on your work.

#2 – Want to fight? Do it in the boardroom but be sure to let it go the minute you leave. While you’re at it – go for a beer.
Ok, I don’t drink but the premise is really important.  When women get angry or disagree about something it can take much longer for them to get over it. If you want to understand why, there is a tremendous amount of research that talks about the physiological and psychological differences in men and women that make it difficult for  women to just “let it go” but it’s not impossible.

Like Tip #1 it’s important to realize that a disagreement over a project or approach to something in the workplace does not mean you are not liked, or cannot have a meaningful relationship.  I’m not condoning unprofessional bullying here in any way, that’s entirely different.  What I am talking about is you sulking around because you didn’t get your way on a project and forcing your colleagues to coddle you.  (Even now as I write this I remember trying to bridge the ice zone with one female colleague after I opposed her in a meeting.  After the second day of me asking a third time “Are you sure we’re ok?”  and bringing her a tea she finally came around. Really?)  Here’s some hard loving truth for my female counterparts – while women are busy sorting through their complicated array of inter-office relationships and trying to smooth over how your  behaviour  made them “feel” - our male counterparts who went all “Braveheart” at each other in this morning’s meeting have already put it behind them over lunch and are now working furiously on meeting their next objectives.  And you wonder why they are getting all the plum projects?

#3 – Don’t just socialize – use your network strategically.
Many women are conditioned from the time they are wee lasses to try and level the playing field, get along with everybody, and make everyone friends.  Men think entirely differently.  They want to know who the leader is and where they stand in the pecking order.

With that in mind, they think strategically about where they want to go and who they need help from (based  on where they are) to get there.  They offer up advice and service to another “You looking for an X? Ya, give Joe a call and tell him I sent you.” I’m oversimplifying this of course, but when was the last time you thought about WHO you know and HOW they could help you out?  If that statement feels to you like it’s selfish or scheming – then you’re missing out.  Men don’t apologize for being driven or their desire to achieve and other men instinctively get this and respect it.  Here’s something else – they LIKE to do this so leverage it and more importantly ASK.

#4 – Get a Mentor. Not a “Life Coach” and Make It  Someone  REALLY Successful.
This by far is one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received.  Mentors are someone with years of business experience ahead of you who are going to save you from having to “learn the hard way”.  I have a few mentors in my life and I didn’t select them on their gender, I selected them on their achievements.  A mentor will help provide you advice when you have tough decisions in front of you, allow you to bounce off some of your innovative ideas, get you thinking about your next steps, and in my case literally pick up the phone to open doors for you. In my experience, life coaches don’t really create substantial business opportunities.  They may help you learn more about yourself or clarify where you need to put your priorities, but it’s not the same.

#5 – Have a work/life balance. Take the first day of school off work to be with you kids. Set your priorities.
I don’t have children but watching my boss in action left a lasting impression.  Here was a man who was unabashedly a family man – BEFORE it was “in”.  Every year he  took the first day of school off work to be with his kids.  He took his holidays and he left at a decent hour to be home for dinner – every night.  I wish I could say I mastered this like him, but I admit I am a hypocrite.  I preach this to my teams and I genuinely mean it, but struggle.  Lately, I’ve been trying to build in balance.  Especially since I read that the COO of Facebook leaves work everyday at 5:30.  It makes it rather hard to excuse my lack of balance.

However, what I know to be true is this.  That I usually have my “a-ha” moment right after I take a break.  That when I am rested and refreshed, I am a better team member and have more creativity than when I am not.  That when I am tired, I am also burnt out, irritable and cranky.  Not surprisingly, I can rarely remember a time where that boss was ever “irritable”.

What has been the best piece of advice you received during your career? Share with us here!

The Pastor I call Husband preached it with conviction and truth. His words strong and filled with passion as he spoke of the eternal love given to us from our Father.

The gift free for those who believe yet the cost dear, taking a life in order to find ours…

His sermon lead to remembrance. He broke the bread and prayed for the wine declaring our allegiance to Him…the King who bestows agape love revealed through His Son that hung on Calvary’s tree.

The sacrifice modelling perfect agape for all humanity.

A chorus was sung to close the service and He whispers from the heavenly to bend my knees as an act of surrender. I gently sing the words to the hymn and obediently kneel. I feel the Saviour being exalted and replaced centre stage, reminded that losing my life is actually gaining it…

I continue to mediate on the fresh words in solitude…

A new layer is being exposed. The flesh sitting around the well hidden feeling shifting awkwardly as I fail to protect it any longer. The deprivation brings growing pains but I must push through. I continue to hear the quiet, still voice saying…”Significance comes from Me alone.”

How many times have I thought that, and used those same words as the ones I’m hearing…This time it’s different. This time it penetrates my raw heart which bleeds with lies held captive for years. The cold air on the wound hurts.

The awareness develops as I lean into Him…I find myself off balanced and seeking support from the Almighty. His
strong arms prove to be a tower of strength. I stand before Him, weak and incompetent. In vulnerability I strip myself bare displaying imperfections. I know He already see’s but I can’t change what I don’t acknowledge. The old self wants to hide yet the yearning for transformation is too intense.

So there I stand, looking for complete significance in Him alone.

I glance at the gold ring hugging my left finger…Significance does not come from being a married woman, or as a Mama or with education, degrees, knowledge and professions. The definition of who I am is not found in money, status and materialism-Its truly found in being handcrafted and chosen by Him the Maker of the Universe.

The mind is under reconstruction. Established thinking patterns needing change and to be replaced…

The battle of the mind must be won with truth.

The newness discovered needs to flow deeply into my spirit and received filling my empty vessel with a fresh revelation that today, I must be built on and in Christ alone.

It all began in September of 1988. Grade nine had started. High school.  All the anxieties that went with these tentative days subsided when I met a girl who seemed to radiate joy. I learned her name was Karen. She seemed so popular to me. We didn’t have the same circle of friends. We didn’t have the same hobbies. We only had one class together. But somehow, we were connected.

Twenty-three years later, she is a mom, a wife, a daughter, a librarian, a singer and remains my beloved best friend. Those who know her will most certainly agree that faith, hope and love are God-given qualities that Karen does not waste.
Faith is said to be a belief in something unseen, or believing in something without proof. Not only does Karen have faith, in many ways she defines it. Her faith is the rock that allows her to celebrate the good and accept the challenges. She moves through life making every effort to provide dignity and grace to all. She shares with an open heart because her heart is what she shares best.

Karen’s willingness to share comes from her abundance of hope. Maybe she brought a smile to someone’s face, eased their looad a little or gave a hug to a hurting friend, whatever the intect, Karen’s hope of making a difference never ceases. She hopes for others too – that people have enough to eat; that children are safe and loved; that people can love what they do and do what they love; that her children never forget how much their mama loves them. Sure, she hopes for her own dreams and wishes, but always holds rooms for the hope of others.

The Author Toni with her friend Karen

Love. Karen’s ability to love is beyond measure. A few years ago her mother was nearing the end of her battle with cancer. With her mother living in Montreal, and Karen residing in Windsor, this meant monthly trips to see her mother and allow her then 4 year old son to create some lasting memories of his own. It was during these visits some truly inspiring stories can be told. One night Karen was tending to her mother, who was in severe pain at this point, and the conversation went something like this:
“Karen, I am planning a party.”
“You are?”
“Yes. It is the party of my death. I’m going to go to the hospital. The doctor will give me medicine and I will die.”
Though startled by the words, Karen gently responded with “Mom, you don’t get to plan that party. That’s God’s job.”
They celebrated Christmas 2009 as a family in Montreal. It was the last one they would have this way. January 4, 2010 mom went to the hospital. That Thursday, Karen received the phone call from her dad telling her she needed to hurry and get to Montreal because maman was leaving them. Karen arrived and was able to tell her mom that the baby she was expecting was in fact a girl, just as maman had predicted. They chatted like school girls into the wee hours of the morning and with no more words needed, maman slipped into a deep sleep and found eternal life Sunday, January 10.

At the funeral, I watched as Karen assumed the new role of matriarch of her family. Standing strong next to her father and holding her young son’s hand, I watched them process out of the church very different than they had walked in. I witnessed, on that cold, snowy day, at the cemetery when Karen would not let the prayers take place until her 97 year-old grandmother arrived and could get close enough. No one dared challenge the authority of this beloved, strong, devoted family member. Through this entire process love was her guiding force.

Her singing voice can bring me to tears with it’s beauty, her smile can lift any bad day I’m having, her silliness reminds me that sometimes life requires it, her patience for me seems endless – and the list goes on, but it’s her ability to love that truly inspires me. Her faith keeps her grounded. Her hope keeps her strong. Her love keeps me grounded and strong.  And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13).

Lessons learned from the Date of Christmas Past

It was (supposed to be) the best of times, it was the worst of times! Yes, I know I’m quoting the wrong Dickens book for this festive time of year but, let me tell you, there isn’t a ghost in “A Christmas Carol” as scary as some of the Christmases I’ve endured because I spent them with men I barely knew. And why, you ask, did
I choose to do that? The answer is simple. Wishful thinking. Unbridled hope.  And blind, stubborn stupidity.

You see, once the leaves have fallen and cold November mornings hint that winter is right around the corner, if you’re single, it’s tempting to start hoping that you’ll meet someone wonderful in time to start a relationship for the holiday season. Of course it’s fun to be dating someone at this time of year because it feels romantic, it’s a time of love and coziness  and celebrating close relationships in your life. But here’s the thing. Relationships take time. They take sharing of the minds and hearts before sharing anything else to ensure you hook up with someone who’s really right for you. You need some objectivity and time for discovery. If you add an agenda
with a tight timeline to getting to know someone, you’re going to gloss over some things and fill in the blanks with others. And that’s not going to go anywhere good.

Trust me, I’ve done it. This is where the “dream sequence” starts and we travel back in time a couple of years.

*   *   *  *   *   *  *   *   *

His plan was to drop me off at the hotel by myself and go back to visit with his kids while all the others were out at Midnight Mass. I was flabbergasted. Now, before you judge me harshly, hear me out. Of course I could understand that he wanted to spend some time with his teenage children on Christmas Eve. But I had just travelled two hours in the car to his home town,  had a somewhat awkward “meeting the family” situation and he was leaving me  alone on Christmas Eve in a hotel room.

Did I mention he was leaving me alone?
On Christmas Eve? In a hotel room?

“But I know you’re tired,” he’d said. And he was right. I was exhausted. You see this story hadn’t start there. No, it had begun 36 hours earlier when we’d spent the day cleaning my house for the family gathering I was hosting on Boxing Day. The plan was to get my place ready on Dec 23, then drive to Toronto to sleep at his place so we could spend Christmas Eve meandering through the city until his kids were finished work. Then we’d all drive to his home town where I’d meet his mother and sister and family for a marvelous Christmas Eve and Day. Mmm-hmm.

We cleaned, yes. We drove to Toronto, yes. But I have asthma  and he has two cats. By bedtime, I needed my puffers and reached for my purse.  You have got to be kidding me! I was on the verge of an asthma attack and my  puffers were more than 100 km away. It was 11:30 pm. I didn’t have my car. I felt sick. He was not amused. I drove his truck, which was nearly on empty,  back to my house (alone, I might add), not confident on the exits and took the  wrong highway. I called him in a panic and got straightened out, doubled back  and stopped for gas in the middle of the night. By the time I got into my bed it was after 2 am. After the full day (and night) we’d  had and the asthma, I slept through the alarm in the morning and didn’t get back to Toronto until midday on the 24th. A leisurely morning of coffee and dim sum was off the list. I was apologetic and upset, he was annoyed and upset. It  was not a good start. His kids worked late so by the time we got to his Mom’s,
they’d already finished dinner and were wondering where we were. So lovely to  be introduced to family when everyone’s fuses are half-burned.

We had something to eat and visited for awhile. Now, God love his mother, I’m sure she tried but, when I think about it, he was bringing  me home to meet her, with his kids, on Christmas Eve, only a year out of a  23-year marriage. And they’re Catholic (divorce is a touchy topic, to say the least). What was I thinking???

When some of his family headed out to Midnight Mass, I asked  if we could go back to the hotel. I was exhausted but still had visions of  romantically snuggling in to watch a late-night Christmas movie on TV in  carefully chosen delicate apparel. He had other designs (see above). I was so  steamed, I actually toyed with the idea of calling a friend who lived nearby to  come and get me out of there. Can you say “drama?” There I was on Christmas Eve  with no car, no boyfriend, abandoned in a hotel room in a small town far from home. He eventually came back, we had a big fight, he slept on the loveseat and snored. I got no sleep and went to his family Christmas the next day tired and  angry.

Merry Christmas everyone!

So, looking back, did I make mistakes? Absolutely! Let’s see, I was unclear with my expectations, sucky and non-communicative when he  couldn’t read my mind and somehow forgot that it wasn’t all about me. He messed up too. The thing is, it was classic misunderstandings all around because WE  DIDN’T KNOW EACH OTHER VERY WELL. Not one thing that happened was individually  a deal-breaker. On the contrary, it was life. But because we hadn’t experienced a lot of life together and didn’t have an understanding of each other’s needs  and communication styles and we felt the pressure of this being “perfectly wonderful,” it went downhill faster than Frosty belly-whopping down the slopes  with that little girl on his back. Really, the first mistake I made was suggesting we spend Christmas Day together. It was too much too fast.

Now, if you’re thinking, “Yeah, that was a really bad story but that was just a fluke,” uh no, I’ve got others. You see, I’m stubborn. And I  don’t always learn if I don’t want to. You’d think I would have gleaned some  meaningful lessons from that “incident” and I did! Eventually. I realized what the lesson was but sometimes it takes me a few tries before I can see the message clearly.

Here’s why pinning all your expectations for love and  satisfying Christmas memories on someone you barely know is usually not a good  idea (for the die-hards for whom that sentence alone is not self-explanatory).At a time when the relationship is at a very tender stage, you’ve gone and put a whole ton of pressure on it. When you don’t know someone very well, you don’t know how they’re going to react to your little eccentricities (or your big  ones, also known as family). When you don’t know someone very well and you want  so badly to make a good impression or hope he makes one, you may not be  completely yourself. This spells disaster. And besides, who wants to be stressed like that at a time when you really just want to let your hair down and enjoy  the season’s parties and laughs and intimate moments with those dear to you.

I’m not saying stop dating each year after November 15. No,  I’m saying don’t push it. Date but save the really special days for the really  special people in your life, which he’s not . . . yet. Do yourself a favour, go  on dates but, when it comes time for family gatherings and Christmas Day dinners, go your separate ways. Meet back up afterward and laugh about all the  antics you inevitably experienced. It’ll be another great way to learn more about each other, minus the pressure-cooker atmosphere. I’ve since chosen this  route with a new boyfriend at Christmastime and I can tell you this, sweeter  were the kisses, more joyful was the laughter and deeper grew our affection.

Oh, oh, oh, it is THAT time of year again. As an entrepreneur, THAT time of year refers both to the Christmas holidays and the formulation of my business plan for the upcoming year. I have decided to approach both with a similar strategy this year. Keep it SIMPLE. Life is chaotic enough without any assistance from me, so I have committed to keeping my planning process simple.

Every year I do plan to plan for the holidays.
I want to entertain as much as I can and to recognize my clients in a unique way. Inevitably, though, I am not as prepared as I had hoped to be and the ensuing panic makes the whole process more trouble than it’s worth. I also try to be creative with my goals for my business so I move forward and have challenging objectives. I tend to have more success in this area and the reason is because the real key is planning far enough in advance to keep costs in check and to be intentional with decisions so the results are meaningful.

So what is meaningful for my clients this year?
Do they really need another fruit tray or trinket? Would another social obligation really add to their sense of the season? Remember, I want to keep things simple. I will likely hold one event for a group that I have worked with for 5 years and we are celebrating the milestone. Christmas seems like the best time for reflection on the success of that program. But otherwise, my gift to my clients will probably be a donation in their name to an organization that will assist those who far less than we all do.

And when I apply that same model to my business, I have decided to pursue only one professional goal in 2012 and one personal goal. I am moving in that direction because if I can make one significant positive change and totally commit to it, then I can be fairly confident of success. When I make several goals, my efforts are diluted and generally less successful.

Besides if I do the right work personally there will be a spillover effect on my business anyway.
I am not suggesting that this plan will work for everyone, but when I consider the original event that sparked this season; there is a clear message of simplicity. A manger. A star. A lowly birth. And just one goal. Love. Doesn’t get any simpler than that.

Early this year, I endured a very difficult tragedy.

My best friend & love of my life died suddenly, just two months shy of our wedding day.  Plane tickets were purchased. Site location secured.  Rooms reserved. We were even near the end of our fun & very entertaining pre-marital classes.  We were at the prime of our love relationship — on the brink of a lifelong commitment of fidelity when life seemed to slap me, howbeit HORRIBLY where it hurt.

I was stopped in my tracks, and finding it extremely difficult to shake the pain I felt over this very devastating loss.  I began spiraling down quickly, a path of hopelessness & shame.

I was busy making wedding plans when life happened — taking many days for granted, thinking just like that “little black dress”, he’d always be there.  As the weeks and months drew on, I found myself rehearsing past mistakes, revisiting disagreements and often blaming myself in effort to ease the pain of my demise.   Then one day, while seeking comfort through scripture, these words in Ecclesiastes 3:1 struck me to the core …

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:”

In that instant, it occurred to me God is in control.  Our season had come in which it was now time for us to be accountable. The purpose of our relationship was beginning to take shape.

If haply I should boast, in exchange for my terrible circumstances, God gave me a desire to share our very intimate love story.  His sovereignty taught me endurance that produces HOPE to give others. On December 31, 2011 I am set to publish a very special memoir in celebration of my beloved entitled, SEASONS: A Treasured Love Story.  As you prepare for this season of giving, may you remember these four (4) life application keys:

•       Aim to forgive fully & first  (i.e. yourself, you past, loved ones, your co-workers, friends & neighbors, etc.) – Life is too short to waste time on regrets.  Instead, establish pure motives & start clean slates.

•       Apply your heart to your gift – Give what you too would be willing to receive.

•       Be Intentional & purposeful in your giving  – Whether you opt to give of your time, talents, or money, make your decision on the basis of your beliefs and most compassionate commitments; not just because someone told you so.

•       Give BIG or STAY HOME! – Life is a gamble — a chance meeting of a lifetime, if you will.  You can be here today and gone tomorrow. Ask yourself, how you would I like to be remembered, and then take actions that make a significant impact (not for you) but for others.  Hope is a MAINSTAY and is easily transferrable.

How do you wear your Cardinal Feathers?

One of my first experiences in feeling second best as a woman was in elementary school.  Our teacher explained that the male cardinal had bright red beautiful feathers and the female’s feathers were dull brown.  I remember thinking to myself ‘how unfair’ that the female didn’t have those vibrant red feathers.  The context in which I was being taught was that females were not as important as the male.  The same way the lion has the flowing mane.

As I approached the pinnacle five-year cancer free mark, I found myself struggling with complete closure.  To some, the measures I took to find closure may have seemed extreme. Going away on a silent meditation retreat for 10 days for instance.  12 days including arrival  and departure day.  Those  of you with small children and a husband know that this is no easy task to pull off.

My garden often has Cardinals visiting it so one day I found myself sharing the discriminatory Cardinal story to my friend Joe.  He reminded me that the irony was that the cardinal is prancing his rockin’ red costume to impress and win over the dull brown female.  He has know idea he looks any different.  All he sees is her beauty and wants to nest.

I have been blessed to have an incredible mentor come into my life right about the time I was transitioning  into a solo career.  No one really understanding why I had left a thriving 7 figure business that also gave me two amazing business partners.   The things Susan Duxter taught me in how to establish relationships, I hear in the back of my mind everyday.  She was one of the first people I told about my diagnosis.  I knew she could relate to the disappointment as her own career was cut short due to illness.  She engrained in me that my hardship through Cancer was going to become the foundation of how I taught.  She was absolutely right.  She and the rest of my support network reinforced that I was in a temporary place and I had the stamina to navigate the insane map of Cancer treatment.

My favorite three words Sue would say in her  keynote speeches to thousands of women were, “You are enough”  Simple words but to a type A fitness expert impossible when you work in an industry where the goal posts are continually moving.  One of the gifts of my Cancer is that I smashed the dysfunctional
measuring stick I kept bringing out to make sure I was continually striving.

Many days of this forced five year hiatus seemed like a warped purgatory but for most of them it allowed me an incredible opportunity to reverse engineer my life.
In order to really ensure I didn’t have a cancer re-occurrence, I needed to examine a little deeper to make sure I was healing everything – mind body and spirit.  In order to really let go of something traumatic, whether it be a divorce, loss of job, death of a spouse, child or your beloved pet that has loved you unconditionally, you must release the emotional burden that comes with it.  If you were one of those women that were taught at the same school of second best, then you know the guilt that comes with actually wanting to feel whole.

As the last quarter of year makes its way through, know that you will soon be into the New Year.  Regardless of your circumstances, know that you are entitled to health and true happiness.  Whatever color your feathers, know that you are enough!

As the end of the year approaches, we should try to make room for new healthy habits and let go of the ones that don’t serve us. As women, our breast health should be something we think about all year round and it should be considered at all stages of life and something we play an active role in maintaining.

Do your lifestyle choices matter?

Epigenetics has found that what you eat, how much you sleep, how active you are, how much stress you are exposed to, which chemicals you come into contact with and the relationships you have in your life will all determine which inherited genes get turned on or off. This means you have some control of your future health.

LIFESTYLE RISK FACTORS

1. Being a Farm Worker increases your chances of getting breast cancer and its recurrence by up to a factor of 9.

This means living near a farm and eating pesticide laden foods also may increase your chances of breast cancer. We therefore need support our inherent detoxification/elimination pathways through a healthy diet and by avoiding known carcinogens.

Chemicals linked with breast cancer include: PCBs, dioxin, pesticides, phthalates, BPA, PVC, fire retardants and many cosmetic ingredients.

Proactive Strategy:

Eat foods that support the liver’s phase 1 and phase 2 detoxification pathways daily.

Green tea: 3 cups/day

• Cruciferous veggies: Cabbage, Kale, Broccoli, Broccoli sprouts, Brussels’ sprouts,Cauliflower: 1 cup 2-3X/week
• Turmeric:2 tsp 5X/week
• Rosemary:2 tbsp 2-3X/week
• Brazil Nuts: 2 nuts 3X/week
• Garlic and Onions: 5-6X/week
• Lemon: 1 tsp daily

2. Insulin and IGF-1 : Women with high insulin levels are up to 8X more likely to get a recurrence. Those with high levels of IGF-1 are up to 7X more likely to get breast cancer.

Proactive Strategy:

• Avoid refined carbohydrates and excessive sugar intake
• Eat every 3 hours
• Consume a more vegetarian/vegan diet
• Avoid foods high in trans. Try to avoid packaged foods.
• Limit alcohol and growth hormone treated dairy (found in USA only).
• Use Cinnamon in coffee or tea
• Eat  1 serving of raw and unsalted nuts and seeds daily: Choose from almonds, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, salba seeds, hempseeds or hazelnuts.
• Consume no more than 1-2 servings of grain food daily including rice, pasta, bread,  wraps or crackers.

If you had to pick one food to be stuck on a desert island with, it would have to be beans. Try to consume at least ½ cup/day. Why?

• Helps the body produce serotonin
• Helps the body to produce melatonin
• Regulates blood sugar and insulin levels
• High in fibre, which reduces inflammation  and promotes satiety
• Contain anti-tumor enzymes
• Help deactivate breast cancer genes

Fight your sugar craving

Cancer cells have a sweet tooth: We know cancer cells need glucose for energy and survival. Sugar can decrease your white blood cells (your immune cells)  by 50% within 30 minutes of consumption and those cells remain low for over 5 hours.

Eat bitter foods curb sweet cravings: eat more Brussel’s Sprouts, Spinach, Arugula, Radishes, Olives, and even an organic cup of coffee. Try eating organic raisins, apricots, prunes mixed with a few chocolate chips and almonds for those hard to resist cravings.

3. CHRONIC INFLAMMATION increases your breast cancer risks by a factor of 5.

CHRONIC INFLAMMATION can be caused by toxins, chemicals, infection, trauma, injury, stress, poor diet, and a hormone imbalance.

It is important to know that obesity creates a chronic inflammatory state because adipose tissue secretes pro-inflammatory cytokines. PGE2 (a pro-inflammatory
cytokine) is a STIMULATOR of aromatase in breast tissue which can lead to breast cancer.

Proactive Strategy:

• Follow an anti-inflammatory diet and reduce exposure to food allergens
• Use herbs that reduce inflammation. The best are turmeric, rosemary, ginger, garlic, and onions
• Eat less foods that contain promote inflammation like corn fed non-organic beef, trans fats, sugar and food allergens like gluten , peanuts, soy, dairy, and  shellfish.

4. Your chances of breast cancer increase by 4.5 if you have irregular bowel habits.

Strive to have 2 bowel movements every day.

Proactive Strategy:

• Eat a diet rich in fibre and drink adequate amounts of clean water.
• Fibre: Strive for 35-45 grams/day

Sprinkle ground flaxseeds on everything. A study found that women who consumed flax between diagnosis and surgery were able to reduce the size of their tumour. A
daily serving is 2 tbsp.

5. “Trans” and saturated fat consumption of greater than 30% total calories raises breast cancer risk by 2.

Proactive Strategy:

Eliminate all “trans” fats from your diet and reduce your consumption of animal products while eating organic whenever possible. Consume Omega 3 rich foods daily.

Vegetarian OMEGA 3 Power List:

• Flax seeds and flax seed oil
• Hemp seeds and hemp oil
• Walnuts
• Organic soy beans
• Salba seeds
• Butternut squash
• Winter squash
• Dark green vegetables like seaweed, broccoli, spinach and kale are a reasonable source of omega-3 essential fatty acids if eaten regularly. Other green
  vegetables, like spring greens, dark salad leaves, cabbage, Brussels sprouts, & parsley also contain omega-3.
• Fish oil is also an excellent source of omega- 3. Quality varies significantly so make sure you buy the highest quality purity assured brand.

Ginger Winter smoothie
Ingredients:

1 cup organic frozen berries

2 cups fresh spinach

2 tbsp of hemp seeds

2 cups water or almond milk

1/4 inch ginger-root, or to taste

(I will usually grate mine into the blender first.)

Ginger enhances natural resistance for cold and flu and it reduces inflammation. It contains at least 12 anti-aging constituents that inactivate free radicals.

It’s easy to lose sight of our Heavenly Father when the giant’s shadow seems to be covering any light that could possibly reach us.  Perhaps, like many, today you are finding your feet kicked out from under you.  If that’s the case, pick yourself up and decide to stand – despite the fear and pain that may be consuming you.  The giant doesn’t have the power you think he does, and the blow you are experiencing right now…well that was just a lucky hit because you lost your focus and put your eyes on the giant instead of God.

Wherever you are today, whatever it is that you are facing – God’s promise is found in Jeremiah 29:11:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”

When you realize that the very place you feel weakest is where God wants to make you strong, the fight you are in takes on a whole different light.  What does freedom look like to you in this area?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you didn’t feel controlled by the situation you are in, but instead felt peace? Imagine being able to feel content NO MATTER the circumstances in which you find yourself. It is possible, but be assured, that the lessons involved in getting there are not easy.

In Phillipians 4:11-13, we see that Paul found this freedom:

“11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Why could he declare that he could do ALL things. Isn’t that arrogant? Isn’t it ridiculous? Consider this, where you are presently at and the giant you are facing could be the very best thing that ever happens to you.  God gives us one more promise, and this one is really exciting and found in Romans 8:28:

“And we know that to them that love God, all things work together unto good, to such as, according to his purpose, are called to be saints.”

In other words, whatever evil you are facing today, God WILL turn it around for good.  There are some requirements on your part as a Christian.  Courageous integrity will be required, fortitude is not optional, and the hardest part (at least for me) is faithfully waiting for the revelation …the “a-ha” moment if you will.  Already in my life, this has happened so many times that the things at one time so painful I thought they would destroy me, are now the things I am the most grateful for in my life.

So today, decide to pick yourself up out of the door. Lick your wounds, and as cheesy as it sounds…expect a miracle.

Be encouraged!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ