I was staying in Las Vegas on business when it happened.  I decided to put on the TV in the bathroom as I got ready in the morning for some upcoming meetings.  I was in the middle of brushing my teeth when a show came on called “My New BFF” that is all about Paris Hilton’s quest to find a new best friend.  My brushing slowed until it eventually came to a full stop. As I stood there with my toothbrush hanging out of my mouth I mumbled out loud “You have got to be kidding me!” 

I was having the same experience that happens to us all when we see a really bad car accident.  You know that you should look away but your curiosity gets the best of you.  So despite what you know is right you keep watching the tragedy.

Now before I continue let me express that I am not a hater of Paris Hilton.   I think she is a PR dream and as far as the promotion of her personal brand - she and her team have done amazing things.  She is the first  celebrity to be famous for being famous rather then it being a by-product of something she did.  Regardless of what you think, that is an accomplishment.

The challenge I see is entirely with her  personal brand altogether.  She has made her success on being the girl with the money and the looks.  She has raised such a following that a group of young girls were willing to be on her show to claim the title as her new “BFF”. Wow. At one point Paris tells a girl they can’t be friends because she can’t party as hard as she can. Double wow.

The fact is that Paris and her team are laughing all the way to the bank.  I’m sure (like any good strategist) they knew exactly what they were doing. Captilazing on her brand, on the fact that girls everywhere would love to be in her presence and for many it would be like a dream come true.  Girls will tune in everywhere to watch ordinary people get to live out what they secretly wish they could do - be Paris HIlton’s best friend. From a business stand point it’s a solid game plan - except there is one major hitch - eventually people will want more.

In these trying times it’s already starting to happen.  The excess of materialism, the shallowness of people’s lives played out on reality TV are all starting to lose their appeal.  The reason is simple - everyone is being forced into simpler lives and everyone is clueing into the fact that material posessions do not equate happiness.

The question you have to ask yourself is where are YOU at on this timeline? Are you still chasing after the thing’s that don’t matter?  Are you still trying to fill your life with possessions, accomplishments, and people that are not meaningful?

If so, then you may be at risk of becoming like Paris Hilton.  For some of you this may be a dream come true. Yet, many of you are starting to want something much much more.

I don’t know Paris, I only know the personal brand she puts into the public eye. That personal brand includes moving from guy to guy at a lightning fast speed, having fall outs with her “BFFs”, and living so recklessly that she has put other people’s lives literally at risk.  (Ask any family who has lost a loved one to drunk driving about what they feel about her DUI and I’m sure you’ll see the problem.)

Be aware that focusing in on the material posessions and shallow items will set you up to lead a life that is not full of meaning.  You may be celebrated or even worshipped yet it will not mean anything. Personally, I watch our young celebrities with a certain measure of sadness.  I wonder if they ever have anyone in their life asking tough questions and challenging them to a deeper level in their life?  I wonder if they can even see the destructive legacy and path they are on.

Unfortunately, it’s not just the celebrities. It’s here in the “ordinary” world of the unfamous.  So many people have bought into the lie of the superficial.  Soccer moms, CEOs, even those who work in the religious field have their priorities in a mess.  They ignore the nagging feeling that may crop up occasionally and make excuses for their life being out of balance.  It’s a struggle for us all. The question I ask myself constantly to keep me in balance is this:

“If I were to die today would I have made a significant postive difference in the lives of others?”

Can you truthfully answer yes?  Would you wish you spent less time on your achievements and more time on your relationships? Would you have spent more time serving others instead of serving yourself?

If you’ve identified yourself as being “at risk” here  are some steps you can do to creating a life of meaning.

Step One - Document Your Days
If you want to see where your real priorities are journal your life for one week.  Take an hour every night and in point form list everything you did that day.  Then in a separate paragraph answer this one question: “What did I think about most today?”

Step Two - Evaluate
After you read your journal you will have a picture of your priorities. Only you can evaluate your life and determine how you want to change it.  Ask your self the following questions:

• What do I like about where I spend my time?
• What do I want to change about where I spend my time?
• What is one thing I can STOP doing right away that will make room for me to START doing something I really want to?

Step Three - Discuss
Select five people in your life that you trust and ask them if they would be willing to help you with a project.  When you meet with them ask them this one question: “What do you think I stand for?” Then listen attentively and don’t argue what they say.  This is your change to really learn about the difference you make in the people around you.  If you disagree with what they are saying then it all it shows you is that you’ve got some work to do with where you want to be.

Step Four - Make a Plan
Write down five things you are going to do to change! Then post the list on your mirrors, carry it with you and read it often.

Step Five - Repeat all the Steps
I guarantee that if you do this you will see a change and don’t forget to celebrate even the smallest changes! You get one life and any moment you can celebrate is a moment you should savour!

“We have all found ourselves in these exact circumstances…”

A discussion came up in one of my classes about the impact our kind words can have on individuals. We have all been in the following situation. We leave a person and think of words of gratitude or encouragement we would have said to them but just didn’t think of them in time.

Most often it stops there at the thoughts with good intentions. Many years back I started noticing how surprised people would be when I would say something really sincere and encouraging to them over a task or service they provided for me. I wasn’t as educated then as I am now but somehow knew it was the right thing to do. I look at it as hands on learning to follow my instincts.

One of my earlier recollections was my Grade 12 English teacher who was having a difficult year. I don’t know exactly what he was going through that year but he was being scrutinized over the effectiveness of his teaching. A writing technique that he was trying to teach us just wasn’t getting through to the class and everyone was up in arms over it. Other teachers were coming in to observe his class. Ironically English Literature and writing were not my strongest subjects at the time. I was a loud mouth teenager who was still figuring out what she had to say. As self absorbed as I was, I couldn’t help but sympathize with this teacher. He was a tall, slim man but was looking a bit worn down from all the stress.

One day working on my homework, the lessons he was struggling to teach us began to sink in and I used some of the techniques. The next day as class ended, I stopped at his desk to tell him about the success I had and thanked him for not giving up on us. Even though I was only a teenager, it was obvious the impact my words were having on him. There was a new spark in his eyes that I hadn’t seen in a very long time. Having the knowledge I have now, it brings me great joy to know what I provided to him that day.

I now always make it a point to always leave people with words of encouragement either through phone messages, letters, emails etc.

As our recent class discussion continued, a young woman named Jodi shared an amazing story of her own. She began talking about an old high school mate she had recently reconnected with on Facebook. She told the story of how driving home one day she noticed this young high school classmate being picked on at the side of the road. He had just moved to their area and was struggling to fit in. Not questioning her instincts, she pulled over and invited him into her car and drove him home.

Through email, this now successful, grown man shared how the day Jodi had stopped and picked him up was the day he was planning to go home and commit suicide. His parents had recently divorced and he hated his new school. He was so depressed; suicide seemed the best option at the time. Jodi’s instinctive kindness changed the course of that young man’s life that day.

“Don’t over think it - just follow your instincts.”

As we head into a time of year that can be both joyful and dreadfully stressful at the same time, I think it is the perfect time to remember how easily we can spread joy and compassion through our gentle actions. Do not underestimate the power of your smile and kind words.

If you find yourself in a situation where you feel like saying something positive, DO IT!

Everyone including you will feel outstanding for it. A kind letter is a great Plan B if the thoughts come a bit late. With technology, we now have so many wonderful options to communicate with one another. As you plan for this busy time of year, continually remind yourself to look for these moments of kind correspondence. Simple words can be life changing.

EDITOR’S NOTES
DISCUSS: Is there a word that you’ve said that changed someone’s life or have you been on the receiving end of something that transformed you? Tell our reader’s by adding your comments below!

So when it came time for my 5th ultrasound (high risk pregnancy), the doctor asked if we wanted to know. Both my husband and I chimed in that we wanted to find out. So when the doctor told us that we better start decorating with the color pink, I immediately screamed!  We were both excited! For us though, we felt very blessed to have a HEALTHY baby as we had miscarried before and just wanted to have a child. It was truly a blessing!

After finding out, we decided to do the whole registering thing for our baby shower. Let’s just say this is the part of knowing that was fun for me! It made it easier to pick things out. (PINK! PINK and more PINK!) Do you see where the problem is going to begin? Let’s continue. So when it came time for my baby shower, I opened so many beautiful things that were pink, purple, pink, white and more pink! So what is wrong with pink? I love pink? And soon my little princess would too!

Well when Madison was finally born, she had so many clothes that I was changing her probably three to four times a day just so that she wore everything once. She was in pink just about everyday. (I know what you are thinking!) Eventually, I too was getting a bit tired of pink and started buying more neutral colors.

So at the end of the day, the choice is up to you and only you. However, I do see why my friends wanted to wait to find out now! It all makes sense. It might be a good idea to wait so you don’t purchase too many clothes in the same color (like pink!) But more importantly, if you decide to have a second baby, you can re-use the same clothes if they are more neutral colors.

So did I take my own advice when the second pregnancy happened? Of course not! We found out the sex but I did learn to make better choices in the clothes department!

Well I’m not exactly sure how this came about but, at some point last Wednesday, I threw myself a little pity party. Not too big, no anger or tears. Just a little feeling-sorry-for-myself shin-dig where my ego was the guest of honour. It all started when I thought about giving my one friend a call to meet for coffee. Then, for some reason, I began thinking, “You know what? I’m the one who always calls to ask if she’d like to meet for coffee.” I thought, “It would be nice for a change if she’d give me a call and ask me to go for coffee.” And that’s how it all began . . .

Now, for the record, I wasn’t put out all that much. The truth is, I know we’re very good friends and I know there’s nothing amiss between us right now. It was just this little annoyed feeling that had seated itself in my mind. I began to think – and that’s where I made my mistake – that it would feel good knowing that she thought about me once in awhile and wanted my company enough to call me up and ask me to join her for coffee. Yes, you can imagine where this is going. The next thing I’m doing is thinking about all the times I’ve invited her out to a movie or invited her over to my house or myself over to her house and, before I knew it, our relationship was looking pretty lopsided in the “effort put into it” department and I decided not to give her a call. I wasn’t thinking anything drastic like, “I’ll show her!” No, it was much more subtle than that. I just thought, “If I don’t call her, I wonder how long it will take before she notices we haven’t spent any time together and misses me and gives me a call.” And then I decided that one “culprit” in my life wasn’t enough and I thought about my other relationships and began to look for all the times and ways all the other people I love (and who love me, by the way) have left it up to me to maintain the contact in our relationships. And, with that, the “party” was in full swing.

Now who knows why I started down this path. Some of it definitely had to do with hormones. I was on the swing shift somewhere between paranoid and pissed off. I also may have been a little tired. And, truthfully, it may have been awhile since the last time she’d asked me to go for coffee. But, really, that’s not the point because she shows me how much she cares for me in many other ways all the time. No, I just caved in to a mild case of self-pity.

So here’s where reality kicked in. The VERY NEXT DAY, out of the blue, a friend of mine who lives two provinces away called me at work, “With absolutely nothing on my mind but to say hi.” That is precisely what he said. I kid you not. It was wonderful! I was thrilled and we enjoyed a fun conversation that I had to cut short because I was at work. When I hung up, I thought how cool it was that the universe had suddenly responded to my woes from the day before. And I thought, it’s nice that at least one friend reaches out a lot, perhaps even more than me to him, truth be told. Yes, as you can clearly see, the party was obviously still going strong in the background.

The next day was Friday and, at the end of the day, I began looking forward to the weekend and the plans I had for Saturday night. A whole bunch of us were going to a sold-out dinner/dance which I had only been able to get a ticket for at the last minute because . . . and that’s when I stopped dead in my tracks and the “pity party” came to screeching halt. I had just gotten a ticket to this event four days earlier because my friend – you remember her, the one who never invites me for coffee – gave me a call the moment she heard that someone had an extra ticket and asked if I wanted to go. Oh yeah, and she also invited me to a pre-dance party that one of her friends was throwing. Uh huh. I couldn’t believe it. What the heck had I been thinking?? How had I missed that when both situations had happened within a couple of days of one another?

Well, the answer’s not rocket science. I had missed it because I was so focused on my “misery” that I had no recollection of my good fortune. It was quite the revelation and it really got me thinking. How many times had I allowed myself to focus so long on only one side of an issue that I had completely ignored the very real other side. And then I remembered a story I had read as a child, many, many years ago.

It went something like this. A little girl is visiting at her Grandmother’s house. She looks out a window at the back of the house and is startled to see a dead bird laying in the yard. The grim sight upsets her and she begins to cry. Her Grandmother, seeing what has happened, takes the little girl by the hand and leads her to the front of the house. There, they stand by a window overlooking her large garden, rich with blooms and fluttering butterflies. After a moment, the girl smiles and the Grandmother says kindly, “You see, my dear, you were just looking out the wrong window.”

Now, before you get the wrong idea, I’m not suggesting that the key to life is simply looking the other way. No, trust me, that’s not the message I take from that story at all. Rather, the message I take is that there is bad in this world but there is also good. Things go wrong and people mistreat us. It happens. And, on a grander, less ego-centric scale, there is a lot of pain and suffering in this world. And it needs our attention, for us to stand up and say or do something to make a change. So we do it. But we don’t need to dwell on the bad and see only that. We see it and deal with it and then we can choose to also see the good.

Because, you see, what I realized was that as long as I’m focused on all the ways I’m being wronged by people, I may completely forget all the good things that are happening. And they may be with the exact same people! And there is good, there is always good. I think that, sometimes, when we focus on the bad, after awhile, that’s all we can see. And that’s not only lopsided but it’s not reality. The truth is, we can choose to look out the other window too.

So all of this is to say that, when we find ourselves getting peeved and going down that path that only gets narrower and narrower, maybe that’s a good time to take a step back and get a wider perspective. Because maybe things aren’t as one-sided as we think . . . maybe it’s our thinking that’s one-sided.

Slightly touselled hair? Check!
Shiny glossy lips? Check!
So skinny that people aren’t sure if I am sexy or need to eat? Check!
Ready to convince people that I’ve got it all? Check! Check!
Ready to change the world? errr……

I normally avoid watching scantily clad women prancing down a runway but the other night as I was flipping aimlessly through the channels a peppy song with some really cool danders caught my attention. ( Those Ting’s Ting’s - their “Hey Mickey” like song “That’s not my name” made me stop.)  I was watching the dancers when it cut over to some models and I realized it was the Victoria’s Secret fashion show.

Now I have to say that I am truly NOT a hater.  I’ve read a few articles about the show. Some are scathing and some are glowing.  I watched and found myself  split in two.   Most of the girls were just stunning but a few actually made me cringe with how skinny they were. As I watched them walk I asked myself “Seriously, how can anyone find that pretty?”

It made me wonder when a grown women’s body stopped being attractive? I mean the type of body found in the 1950’s complete with wonderful curves!  It seems today’s fashion trend in North America says that “sexy” is a woman who looks like a tall 12 year old. 

 I know of a few women right now who are starving themselves to try and achieve this look.  Ladies,   if you are in your late 20’s or older and forcing yourself to try and be 100 pounds - PLEASE don’t. Don’t buy into this lie.  While you may feel good because you look like the girls you see in these shows it doesn’t mean you actually look good.

Most people will agree that if ever there was one woman that embodies sexiness it would be Marilyn Monroe.  During the course of her lifetime Marilyn’s wait fluctuated between 118-140 pounds.  Dress sizes have become smaller since her time but if she lived today she would have been comfortably wearing a size 12! To me that is fascinating, especially when we live in a world where people aim for a size 0.

I finished watching the show and was pleased to see that Heidi Klum (Mother of 3) was toned and healthy looking.  I thought to myself “Good for her!” However, as I turned off the TV several thoughts ran through my head. 

It was interesting to me that as the models came off the stage they were hooping and hollering like they had just accomplished something HUGE.  In a way they had - the good Lord knows that I would never be caught walking down a stage in front of millions of people in my “unmentionables” as my grandmother calls them.  Forget THAT!  I did however feel sad for the girls as I realized that for some of them this could be the “biggest” thing they ever do in their life.

In fifty years from now they will look different and people will not remember this show.  Their beauty will fade and what will they be taking with them into the future? 

It is THIS message that I wish was promoted to every women.  Whether you are super model or a super mom - the value you bring to this world has little to do with how you look.  Your true value has everything to do with who you are,  who you want to be,  and what you ultimately become.  If you only focus on the outward appearance then you can be rest assured that your value is limited to a very short window of time.  As soon as your looks decline your a gonner! However, if you focus on what you can give back - your value can continue to multiply even when you are no longer on  this earth!

 We can all be guaranteed that the fashion trends and images of beauty will be changed in the future.  Just as they have changed since the 1950’s.  I wonder how we would change this world if we put the same amount of energy into transforming our communities in which we live as we do obessing over our appearances? What would happen if we decided to take a portion of the time spent on shopping, manicures, hair colour, or facials and instead dedicated it to making a difference?

I think if we all did this that we may even find part of the secret to true happiness and  that’s a secret that I know Victoria would want to share!

After eighteen months of marriage, Mary and Ben were calling it quits. Why?

“I just couldn’t stand his messy habits,” said Mary in between visits to her divorce attorney. “He would never clean up after himself, and he totally disrupted my perfect, orderly house. It was a nightmare.”

Although opposites often attract, staying together in a successful long-term relationship can be an entirely different story. But now, there’s a new approach to relationships–the LoveType^TM system–that can show you how to develop a lasting relationship, even if you and your mate are psychologically different in one or more areas.

According to the LoveType^TM system, these are the three crucial issues you need to consider if you want to build a happy relationship with an opposite type–someone who is different from you on one or more key personality dimensions:

1. Are you, and your partner, more outgoing or inward seeking?
Introverts–the inward seekers–make up 45% of society, and like to get most of their energy from their own thoughts by spending plenty of time relaxing alone or with a few close friends. Introverts enjoy more quiet activities like reading, writing, thinking, listening to music, internet surfing, and the like. They tend to have a few close friends and like to go to social events early and leave early.

Extraverts–the outgoing people- make up 55% of society, and get most of their energy by socializing and being out in the external world. They enjoy music, dancing, clubs, parties, Vegas, comedy clubs, and places where there are plenty of people and social activity. They like to stay late at social functions, and tend to have a lot of friends and acquaintances.

Trouble Looms:
When Introverts want to spend a lot of private, quality time with their mates at home while Extraverts want their mates to go out with them socially and hang out with other people in social environments.

Solution:
Introverts: Give your Extraverts social space. When you don’t feel like socializing with them, let them have a night out with friends. Remember: Extraverts feel better about themselves (and their mates) when they are free to enjoy fun times with a large group of friends and acquaintances.

Extraverts: Recognize your Introvert’s need for quiet time alone. Also, be sensitive to their social energy level. When on a date, ask your Introvert: “Honey, is it too loud or crowded in here?” Introverts will definitely love you for being so considerate about their need for quiet space and time.

2. Are you, and your partner, practical or imaginative?
Sensors–the practical people– make up 70% of society, and like to experience life and love in a practical, realistic, and down-to-earth manner. They want their partners to provide them with tangible expressions of love: flowers, trips, backrubs, financial support, help around the house, and so forth.Intuitives–the imaginative people–make up 30% of the population and are ruled by their imagination and sense of what is possible. They love it when their mates join them in stimulating, creative conversations about ideas, possibilities, and making a difference in the world. They enjoy going to seminars and activities related to the arts, psychology, philosophy, science, spirituality, and finding the meaning in life.

Trouble Looms: When Sensors think their Intuitive mates are foolish, unrealistic dreamers, and Intuitives think their Sensor partners are boring, “stick-in-the muds” who squash their creative ideas.

Solution:
Intuitives need to respect their Sensor mates’ handy, practical skills (taxes, anyone?), while helping them fulfill their goals of building a safe, comfortable, and secure life.

Sensors need to pay listen to their Intuitive partners’ grand plans and dreams without undue criticism (some of those exotic dreams could come true), and be patient with the Intuitive’s lack of practical skills (”How do you work that DVD player again?”).

3. Are you, and your partner, spontaneous or structured?
Judgers are the structured people (60% of society) who live by order, cleanliness, and schedules. They can always be counted on to be organized and to follow-through on the things they decide to do.

Perceivers are the spontaneous people (40% of society) who are flexible, spontaneous, and not as attuned to time and organization constraints. They like to “play things by ear” and “go with the flow.” They may be a little late or messy, but they’ld rather live in a more open, free-flowing way.

Trouble looms:
When Judgers see their spontaneous partners as being exasperatingly late, messy, and irresponsible, and spontaneous people see their structured mates as being compulsively time-driven, control freaks who can’t have any fun if things aren’t arranged exactly the way they want it.

Solution:
Structured people: Cut your spontaneous mate some slack on the messiness and time issues; you’re not going to change them. Learn to appreciate their fun and spontaneous nature, and hire a maid if you have to.

Spontaneous people: Compromise a little and respect your structured mate’s orderly and time-sensitive lifestyle. Don’t forget: Without them, you would be really late on your bills, and you might have to hire a personal organizer.

THE BOTTOM LINE: It’s amazing what a positive difference you can make in your relationship by merely acknowledging and respecting your partner’s unique personality style. The more you’re able to do this, the more you will find your partner accepting your personal style as the two of you move closer to creating a harmonious relationship that lasts a lifetime.

DR. ALEXANDER AVILA holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and a doctorate in jurisprudence. A popular college professor, public speaker, and relationship authority, Dr. Avila has been conducting LoveType [TM] seminars throughout Southern California since 1993, helping his students achieve successful relationships that last a lifetime.  Buy the book here!

LoveTypes International^TM
Contact Dr. Avila at
www.lovetypes.com and lovetype4u@aol.com
for your FREE lovetypes.com membership and to receive your FREE report: The 4 Magic Questions I Need to Ask to Find (and Keep) My Soul Mate

Cough, cough! Sneeze, sneeze. It is cold and flu season again. We often get sick this time of year because as temperatures drop and viruses wake up, we lose more and more daylight, reducing our production of Vitamin D, a very important nutrient to our immune system. After surviving back to school stress what follows is an often overindulgent Thanksgiving and the many mini Halloween sugary treats that quickly add up to a suppressed immune system. This year, be prepared.

Colds and flu, caused by viruses, cannot be treated by antibiotics, which only treat bacteria. Col and flu viruses are contracted via respiratory droplets from coughing, sneezing and through sharing food or utensils. The best way to prevent or overcome a cold or flu is to naturally strengthen your immune system which when healthy and strong, can overtake most infections.

The following is a list of things you can do and take to prevent and overcome colds and flu this winter.

Dry skin brushing:

Using a natural bristle brush or loofah, make small light circles starting at the feet and then fingertips, working towards the heart. Do this on bare skin, without water, and quickly. By dry skin brushing on a regular basis you are supporting detoxification, helping move immune cells and waste material in the lymphatics and helping deliver nutrients and oxygen throughout the body.

Contrast Immune Boosting Shower:

End your shower with one minute of water that is as hot as you can handle followed by 30 seconds of water as cold as you can handle. It is the difference in temperature that has the therapeutic benefit of increasing lymphatic circulation. Practicing this every day encourages your immune system to attend to invading viruses and bacteria.

Antiseptic Spray:

Add 2 tbsp of sea salt to 1L of water and pour into a spray bottle. Use this to spray the air of any room in the house. Salt prevents bacteria from replicating so this helps protect other members of the house from getting sick. To improve the antiseptic capabilities of this spray, add essential oils like lavender, basil, thyme, eucalyptus, tea tree, rosemary and peppermint.

Decongesting Sock Treatment:

Do this treatment just before going to bed for the night if you are congested, feeling achy or want to avoid getting sick.

Step 1: Soak a pair of COTTON socks in cold water, wring them out, and place them on your feet

Step 2: Put a pair of WOOL socks over the wet socks

Step 3: Climb into bed and stay warm with blankets

Purpose: This form of hydrotherapy increases circulation, helping to draw out congestion and decreasing the length of your illness. If you wake at night and the socks are dry, you can take them off.

Salt Gargle:

Invaders enter your system via your nasal passage or mouth. They typically begin replicating in the throat before they continue into your sinuses and ears or down into the lungs. Because salt can prevent bacterial and viral replication, gargling can prevent an infection from progressing. It is best to do so this after being in public where infections may be caught or after spending time with someone who is sick.

Sinus Rinse:

Purchase the Neil Med Neti Pot from the drug store and use as directed for congestion and to speed up recovery from a cold. There is a spray available for children as well.

Sleep:

While you sleep your immune system is most active. Sleep deprivation is one of the greatest risk factors for weak immunity. Get a minimum of 7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Rest:

Every day lie down for 15-20 minutes in the middle of your day. Close your eyes and focus on breathing in and out naturally. By doing this you are allowing your body to enter the parasympathetic mode (a relaxed state) which is when the immune system can do its best work. This can be done on the couch, in bed or even in a comfy chair. Stress directly suppresses your immune system.

Breathing:

Deep breathing allows oxygen to enter the lower airways where bacteria and viruses often reside and replicate. The oxygen inhaled via deep breathing will inactivate some bacteria and viruses while the deep exhalation will allow the body to force the invader out. Many allergy sufferers and those with chronic upper respiratory tract infections are mouth breathers. The nostrils filter and clean the air we breathe while the mouth does not offer this protection. By learning proper deep breathing you can decrease your incidence of allergies and infections.

Exercise:

Through exercise the core body temperature goes up which is analogous to a low grade fever where microorganisms are attacked by the immune system. Sweating is an excellent method of preventing illness as our salty sweat keeps invaders away. Cardiovascular exercise also increase circulation and oxygen intake, both important for disabling viruses.

Wash your hands:

After being in public or with anyone who is sick, wash your hands with an all natural, glycerine based soap. Antibacterial or harsh chemical soaps are not recommended because they strip the skin of its natural protective barrier. In addition, repetitive use of such harsh cleaners allows micro-organisms such as viruses and bacteria to mutate and become resistant to them. The chemicals used in these soaps ultimately end up in our water system where they not only affect our health but that of all wildlife.

HEALING FOODS:

Raw pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds: These are high in zinc, a critical mineral for healthy immune system.

Garlic: This food possesses antiviral, antibacterial, antifungal and antioxidant effects. Eat a 1 clove/day or supplement with a 5 mg standardized extract of 1% allicin.

Kefir: This is an excellent food source of the probiotic acidophilus. We know that 70% of the immune system lines the digestive tract. When there is an overgrowth of unhealthy bacteria in the digestive tract, caused by a diet low in fiber and high in trans fats and sugar, or by the overuse of antibiotics, the immune system gets taxed. A healthy digestive tract means a healthy immune system. Kefir possesses virtually no lactose and is therefore well tolerated by lactose intolerant people. It is much higher in acidophilus than yogurt. If you do not like Kefir then you should supplement with a quality probiotic for at least 2 months in the winter.

Drink 2L of water /day: To boost your immune system drink water with organic lemon juice in it. Water acts as a medium for micro-organisms to be carried out of your system. The lemon juice not only increases the liver’s detoxifying capabilities, it supplies you with a natural source of Vitamin C. You should drink ½ your body weight in ounces of water so if you weigh 160lb, you need 80 ounces or 10 glasses of non-dehydrating fluids like filtered water, herbal teas, soup and veggies juices.

Ginger/Lemon Tea: This combination is great for strengthening immunity. Grate some ginger root and add 1 tsp to a mug of boiling water and steep for 3 minutes. Add 1 tsp organic lemon juice or ¼ fresh lemon. Sweeten with Stevia or raw honey.

Elderberry Tea: It has been proven that elderberry is the most potent anti-flu remedy and is an excellent source of Vitamin C. Drink at least 1 cup/day.

Avoid Sugar: Sugar suppresses the immune system. Sweeten only with Stevia or agave syrup

I was asked to observe a day of silence and journal about the experience for a training course I was participating in. My first reaction was this would be impossible given my line of work and the fact that I have two small children. Like most busy women, my weekends also involved commitments. So I must admit I was a bit skeptical if I could realistically accomplish this task. I discussed it with my husband and he encouraged me to follow through.

I chose a day during the Thanksgiving weekend since I did not have any work commitments scheduled. I marked it on our family calendar with the best of intentions. I was not even sure if I was actually going to go through with it but since my husband reminded me of it that morning before I actually spoke, I thought I should at least give it a try.

He explained the situation to our children. They got a kick out it. I had a pad of paper near by so I could write messages when I needed to communicate with anyone. My only excursion out of the house was attending Yoga class. I prepared an index card which explained I was observing a day of silence. As people spoke to me in class, I simply showed them my card and smiled. I was beginning to realize that it really wasn’t that difficult not to speak. As the day continued, we had a house full of kids. My children explained that “my homework was I was not allowed to talk out loud.” They got a kick out of reading my notes. It was a fun game to them.

“Less noise from my mouth resulted in less noise in my head.“

Reflecting on my experience, I realized a few interesting things. Less noise from my mouth resulted in less noise in my head. My heart felt lighter. I felt a level of humility. My words are a big part of my power and presence. Although my role in the world seemed less flamboyant without my ten dollar words, it was still relevant. I felt less urgency. I didn’t have to be in the middle of things to have influence. This to me is very energy efficient. As I sat back and watched my husband deal with a disagreement our children were having, it occurred to me that things could get crazy and still get resolved without my verbal input. Normally I would have jumped in to resolve things quicker but instead I was just an observer. It reminded me that the world actually does go on without us. Some may feel sad hearing this statement when in fact it can be very liberating. When we accept the fact we do not have to be the conductor of every piece of music played in our lives, we give ourselves the freedom to sit back and experience the individual instruments. We are able to quiet down and enjoy the finer details that make up the beauty in our life. We become much more mindful in our daily lives.

After completing my day of silence, I felt everyone should have this peaceful experience if not only for a brief period in their day. I can appreciate the fact that a full day of silence may be extreme for most but I do encourage you to set some time aside for yourself. You may want to start with a half hour and see how it goes. Quite often when we quiet ourselves down, we are able to hear our most important messages that come from deep within. The constant chatter that goes on in our mind distracts us from indentifying what we truly need. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or confused with which direction to turn, my advice to you is SHHHH…

“A famous Harvard study found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairment as they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life.”

Wow! So then why is it with all the social networking and “friends” being made that so many women are still lonely?

When I started Thrive in 2003 I got a tremendous response. Obviously I wasn’t the first to develop a way to connect online - so then why did I get such a big response? It came down to the premise of Thrive which was to meet friends online and take it offline - into the real world. At the time I had read an article about the “lost sense of community” with women. It really hit home and I decided that I wanted to reclaim that sense of community.** I was on the right track!

“A landmark UCLA study suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They sooth our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and even help us remember who we really are.“ 

What’s interesting is that I am a very active person with lots of great friends. I would agree with both of these studies and say that generally I am healthier and happier for it!  Yet one Friday night I signed off the computer from talking with all my friends and was struck by how lonely I was. The husband was working nights and it was just me my dog and two cats. I ate my mac and cheese, let out a big sigh and went to bed. I had several friends I could have called to go for coffee, or grab a movie with, but something was eating at me. I wanted more and none of those activities were going to cut it.

Fast forward to 2006 where I am shooting an episode for GCTV on life in the 19th century. Hazel (one of my best friends and co-host of the show) is tying me into a girdle to begin our life on the farm for the day. We spent the entire day working alongside of a group of women we had just met. We chopped wood, gardened, fed the pigs, and groomed the horses. We sat and ate our meals together and the entire time we chatted.

When we left our shoot at the end of the day something magical had happened. Both Hazel and I felt so connected to this group of strangers. We mentioned it to the women and they all gave us a “knowing” smile. They even mentioned that they have a high amount of relationships that end up in marriage because of the environment. Now try this on for size - it’s a FAKE pioneer community. It’s not even real but the community spirit is so strong that it feels very, very real.

It made me realize why Thrive got such a huge response. Making friends online is not enough.  Taking that friendship offline makes a huge difference but nothing compares to when we are gathered in groups.  It ends up that we are literally wired for it! That same landmark UCLA study says:

“that women respond to stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women. It seems that when the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers the fight or flight response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead.”

We are wired to gather together and to make a difference!  This is the premise of Thrive and we’re just getting started. If you want to meet and connect with women who actually live in your community then be sure to join www.livewiththrive.ning.com and be the first to start your own local chapter.  We’re here to walk you through the process of connecting, of growing, and giving that is scientifically proven to make your life better!

So what are you waiting for? 

**(Side note: If ANYONE can help me find the community article I always refer to I would be forever grateful!!)

1. Connect with women and help re-establish the sense of true community that has been lost.
BY
2. Providing women with the resources they need to grow in their personal lives.
SO
3. They can give back to their local communities and proceed back to Step 1

I am so pleased to tell you that even though we are still a new organization so many of us are already rising to the task. I just received this letter from Thrive member Crystal Hayes-Bogicevic who was out on www.livewiththrive.ning.com and came up with this idea in response to the challenge “What is your idea to change your community!”  

I just thought I would share this with all of you because it just knocked my socks off!

    “Celebrating a Christ-Centered Christmas
One Family at a Time” 

 Just to warn you, this is not your typical Christmas letter.  This letter is not meant to boast about our family, but to encourage us all to think twice about the real meaning of Christmas.  As we all know times are tough for many families across the United States, but especially in Detroit and the state of Michigan.  In order to break the strong hold on our cities and communities in Michigan, we are doing a spiritual fast from gifting this year.

As a family, blessed by God, only through God, we have decided to put Christ back in to Christmas! We have decided that the amount of money we would normally spend on plastic toys that end up in the bottom of the toy box, or that sweater that we would never wear, we are pledging to give the same amount of money and service to the works of the Lord this Christmas.  After all, it is the birth-day of Christ, and when exactly did we become the guest of honor at his party?

Through our commitment of not purchasing gifts for family and friends, and not accepting gifts this year, we are doing a spiritual fast to help “our family” remember what this special time of year is all about.  We are asking our loved ones to understand that this fast is not a reflection of how we feel about them, but a restrain to give to those in dire need this holiday.   

As a family we are allocating our time and monetary gifts in the following areas: 

• Local Support: Giving a financial gift to a local family who has been laid off or ill
• Military Support: Help finance a soldiers trip home for the holidays
• International Missions: Helping those in Iran suffering and dying to uphold their faiths
• Cell phones for Soldiers:  Collecting used cell phones for soldiers (Alex’s work)
• Pennies for Patients: Cameron and Chloe will donate all of our pennies to this cause
• Community Service: Donating 40 hours of service to the Grace Centers of Hope
• Toys for Tots: Cameron and Chloe will be donating toys to two boys and two girls
• Adopt a Highway: Image Is Design, LLC. Will adopt a highway for years to come

This celebratory vow includes asking family and friends not to give our family any gifts, but asking that if they are in the giving mood, that they share in a cause to further the works of Christ this holiday. 

 If you are interested in forwarding this message as your family’s Christmas letter, you can download a copy at www.livewiththrive.com and click on “Thrive This Christmas” then revise the letter to suit the areas of fasting for  your family.  This decision is not to be taken lightly, as it may be a sacrifice for everyone, especially the children, but after all isn’t Christ worth if. 

We look forward to seeing how Christ is moving our families, communities, cities, and states, so please join us in posting your pledges at www.livewitththrive.com and put Christ back into Christmas.  We believe that in order to change the city of Detroit and the state of Michigan, it must start at home.   

Merry Christmas,

The Bogicevic’s 

For more information about how you can help any of the above causes please visit: 

Grace Centers of Hope, Pontiac, MI:         www.gracecentersofhope.org

Let’s Bring em’ Home:              www.lbeh.org

Cell Phones for Soldiers:          www.cellphonesforsoldiers.com

Toys for Tots:                 www.toysfortots.org

For more service ideas to get involved as a family: 

Habitat For Humanity:    www.habitat.org

Donate Blood or volunteer:   www.redcross.org

Adopt a highway:    www.michigan.gov/mdot