I sat on my yoga mat and eagerly anticipated the start of an introductory session.  I was on the hunt for a new yoga class and the studio I was visiting looked promising.  But, as the lesson commenced, a sense of dread quickly invaded my enthusiasm.  The movements were too hasty, the atmosphere more reminiscent of boot-camp than the serene, tranquil environment I was used to.  And I became irritated.  This was not the yoga class I was looking for.

I love yoga.  It is one of my favourite forms of exercise.  And for years I participated in a weekly hour-and-a-half class of stretching, breathing, inner reflection and calm.  It was not only a tonic for my body but a place where I could find my centre and still my mind, if only for a little while each week. 

As my life changed, my ability to continue attending my favourite yoga class was hampered.  I remarried and moved to the other side of the city, began night classes at the local university and got pregnant.  A convergence of occurrences squeezed yoga out of my regular routine.

And now, after a four-year sabbatical, I was ready to return to the activity I loved so much.  But I hit a stumbling block.  My yoga teacher had retired during my leave.  I had to find a new class to involve myself in.  It should have been a simple endeavour – finding a class that reflected my previous experience of what yoga should be. But I wasn’t having much luck.

Yoga seemed to be different than when I took it up years ago.  It was feeling a lot more like aerobics and a lot less like the insightful body-mind merger I understood it to be.  While hunting for a new studio, I was bombarded with options for physically demanding classes – vigorous work-outs focusing on profuse sweating, holding long poses or constant movement.  More moderate sessions, incorporating consciousness, spirituality and meditation, seemed non-existent and my disappointment intensified.  I felt like giving up.

Then, last week, while struggling to hold Downward Facing Dog during yet another trial session, I had a revelation.  It wasn’t just a different style of yoga that was blocking my path to a fulfilling experience – it was my own stubborn hold on expectation. 

For me, expectation is a stumbling block I come up against more frequently than I care to admit.  Too often I catch myself evaluating the events in my life through the lens of past experience and preconceived notions.  I realize I’m judging occurrences by what I expect they should be rather than by what they are.  

The problem is that while I’m busy comparing the experience at hand to predefined parameters in my mind, I literally overlook the present moment.  I fail to absorb any new information; forget to learn from something new.  By tying myself to fixed beliefs I, in fact, sabotage my present experiences. I’m ensuring some level of disappointment when events, people and places don’t measure up to my precise expectations.

Living free of false expectations certainly doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t feel dissatisfied with particular events I participate in.  Or that I won’t form valid opinions of dislike for certain things.  Instead, what it does mean is that I will, at the very least, be willing to participate honestly in each experience, reviewing it based on its own merits – and not dismissing it solely based on my preconceived notions. 

Sometimes, like in yoga class, I am dismayed to realize that I have once again fallen into the trap of expectation.  That, despite by best attempts to live consciously, I manage to slip into easy patterns of false expectation which negatively influence my attitude.  When I recognize it is happening, I need to remember to stop, regroup and move forward in the open-minded direction I always intend to take. 

 I have no intention of committing myself to a vigorous, exhausting class like Power Yoga anytime soon.  I still favour the calming nature and personal insight that a relaxing yoga practice provides.  However, while I search for a class that is right for me, I will work to remain present in the moment and learn from what is offered, not what I think should be because of my expectations.

Over the past several weeks I’ve been spending a great deal of time reading the stories of people who have been key in transforming the world, and in particular rescuing the helpless. Two people have continued to jump out at me - they couldn’t be more different yet their ultimate result was the same.

William Wilbeforce was a British Politician who lived in the 18th century and was the catalyst to ending slavery around the world, while Somaly Mam is a modern day activist out of Cambodia fighting to rescue young girls from slavery.

I am equally fascinated by both of these people. The priviledged British politician who “saw the light” and began searching for his purpose versus Somaly Mam, an orphaned Cambodian who found herself enslaved and sold into prostitution at 13 and upon obtaining her own freedom went back to save others.

Obviously, they are both inspirational but the question in my mind is what was the trigger? Wilbeforce could have easily taken on a more popular campaign, done some work with the poor, and lead a respectable Christian life.  Nobody would have thought anything less of Somaly Mam if, after enduring the horrors she encountered, she simply chose to live a life out of harm’s way.  So what made these two individuals from completely different centuries and backgrounds choose to set aside their own well-being for the sake of others?

In the case of William Wilbeforce, a group of anti-slavery activists persuaded him to take on the cause.  For Somaly Mam, after seeing her best friend viciously murdered in front of her she made a risky escape, vowing to never forget those she left behind.

In each case, they made a decision to dedicate their life to a greater cause.  One that would most certainly be a difficult journey - but somewhere they decided they must take this journey.  So many people are faced with similar opportunities, to rise up, to take up a challenge - and yet choose the path of least resistance.  They turn their eyes from the poor as they turn up the music in their cars or change the channel when the images aren’t pleasing.

They ignore the very thing that could end up not only making their life more meaningful but literally change the world.

These questions have swirled through my mind as I have consciously decided to throw my hat into the ring and assist those who are already fighting against the horrors of slavery.  The statistics, once so shocking to me, now run off my tongue as I work to educate and involve others.

27 million slaves. That’s how many exist in the world today, and the number is growing.
6 years old. That’s how young many girls are when they are kidnapped and then raped (some even younger).
1 voice. It’s the only one I have but if I can connect it to the thousands already in this fight, and collect more voices along the way, it will be a strong one.

Since I learned of this horror, I have had two roads in front of me with a choice to be made. I can continue down my path of a comfortable life, where my biggest challenge is watching how much I eat OR I can decide to fight and dedicate my life to using the skills and the voice I have to raise awareness.

Perhaps…I often find myself thinking these days…this is how an activist is born.

To learn more about what is happening with slavery please visit:

www.freetheslaves.net

www.somaly.org

Most everyone has encountered Erma Bombeck’s piece If I Had My Life To Do Over.   (You can read it below if you haven’t)  This piece would pass often through viral emails way before I myself was diagnosed.  I would always think on my mom and how she cam from the generation that did exactly what Erma would do over.  I knew at some point I needed to reconcile the fact that my mom would have her own revelations in the manner she was meant to.  Facing my own mortality at a young age helped me understand the closure a parent desires as they move into their senior years. I realized the best gift I could give her as a daughter was to succeed in a way that was true to who I am – risks and all.  I also freely accepted the responsibility that came with creating my own map.

Each time I read If I Had My Life To Do Over, her message rang so clear.
It was incredibly real.  Each line captures an enormous amount of regret created by various points in her past.  I understood the importance of her message.  I had worked with thousands of women over my career and witnessed this regret on a daily basis.  I genuinely tried to learn from each of them.  I often reminisce of New Years Eve of 2005.  I was diagnosed in 2006.  Totally oblivious as to what was ahead of me, during dinner I expressed to Jay that if I had to die –not that I wanted to – but if I had to, I was content with the course of my life.  I felt I had lived to my potential given the opportunities and challenges I had.  I can’t help but think I was intuitively laying the groundwork for what lay ahead.

Many women like Erma, have tried to pass on this valuable wisdom; this notion of being mindful to what is important and letting go of the stuff that clutters happiness.  She reinforces the value of relationships and connections.  I think we have reached a point in our society where people are actually listening and trying to seize the opportunity of life.  I am following Erma’s lead but am focusing on passing on ideas of optimizing the present.  I have come to a point where I realized my current truth.  Coming from the fitness industry where athletic performance is currency, I gauged my achievement on what I could control.  Now I gauge my success by how much I can let go.  The lighter my soul feels the more space I have to absorb the wonders of the most mundane moments.

When I fold laundry, I feel blessed to have clothing for my family.  I picture them warm and cozy – content. When I prepare meals, I make sure to take in the palette and aromas of all the ingredients.  I see the nourishment my family will receive – my legacy. I watch closely for those moments where your children throw you a bone of hope that they really are paying attention to your words.

Instead of living moments as if they were my last – I try to live them with no sense of time or space. They just are.  Alas I am at a different point in my life compared to Erma.  If I could tweak the last line to reflect my own observations, it would read something like…

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute…look at it and really see it…live it…absorb every bit of it and then pass it on so it can exponentially grow and touch others.  This to me gives us a connection that leaves us immortal and maybe makes death a little less scary.

Below you will find a copy of Erma Bombeck’s piece If I Had My Life To Do Over.  After each line you will notice my own comments in brackets as I prepared to write this piece.  I encourage you to ponder each passage as I did.  It is an easy way to do a quick inventory on what may be going on inside – under the noise.

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more. (Let go of ego – absorb other person’s energy)

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded. (I believe I have tried – I have the stains for memories)

I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. (Many times I had no choice)

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. (I am getting better.  I now have mortality in common)

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. (Baldness tamed my ego – I still care but in a healthier way)

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. (Done)

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains. (I try to absorb moments)

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life. (Totally!)

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband. (I think I am)

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day. (Done and I can’t stress how important this is.)

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime. (Everything around me must inspire me in some way.)

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. (I think this is the human side of motherhood.)

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”  (Such a fine line)

There would have been more “I love you’s”.. More “I’m sorrys” … (Yes)

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it … live it…and never give it back.  (I would change the last line so we no longer have to fear death.)

© Erma Bombeck

]]> http://www.livewiththrive.com/life/ode-to-erma-bombeck/feed/ http://www.livewiththrive.com/authors/drnatasha-authors/what-are-your-comfort-foods/ http://www.livewiththrive.com/authors/drnatasha-authors/what-are-your-comfort-foods/#comments Fri, 12 Mar 2010 00:40:33 +0000 natashazaj http://www.livewiththrive.com/?p=252 Here’s a quick synopsis of what your comfort foods may be trying to tell you.

Sweets: Candy, chocolate bars, pop, juices, suckers, gum
A sweet tooth indicates that you may have trouble normalizing your blood sugar. If so, be sure to eat at regular times, have adequate protein with each meal and choose only carbohydrates that are unrefined and low in sugar like vegetables, organic oatmeal, seasonal fruit, and legumes.

Salty Foods: chips, pretzels, nachos, popcorn
A craving for salt suggests you are under great stress and your adrenal glands may be working overtime.

High carbohydrate foods: Bread, pasta, cookies, pastries
A craving for starchy carbohydrate rich foods may mean your brain needs more of the mood elevating hormone serotonin, which is produced when you eat higher carbohydrate foods. Choose whole grains only.

Protein rich foods: Meat
If you crave protein, your body may be telling you it is “carbohydrate sensitive” and you need to derive more of your calories from protein rich foods for optimal metabolism.
High fat foods: Cheese, ice cream, heavy desserts, cream sauces
A craving for fast may indicate a problem with regulation of your thyroid gland, the master gland that controls your metabolic rate. 

2. Problem: Lack of sufficient dietary carbohydrates.
Low-carbohydrate diets often create cravings for starchy foods and sweets. The reason: The brain prefers running on glucose supplied by carbohydrates. When you don’t consume enough carbohydrates to fuel your body, you get hungry, which many people experience as a craving for sweet and starchy foods.
Solution: Build meals and snacks around one or more carbohydrate-rich whole foods.
• Once per day include baked or roasted sweet potatoes, dense root vegetables, such as carrots or parsnips
• Twice per day eat fresh fruits
• Once per day eat whole grains, such as brown or wild rice, millet, quinoa, buckwheat or 100-percent sprouted or sourdough whole-grain bread.
• At least twice a day, add colorful, fibrous vegetables — particularly greens (steamed or sautéed leafy greens, a tossed green salad or coleslaw), a dash of healthy fat or oil (nuts or seeds; olive, coconut or flax oil; butter; or avocado) and include a small portion of protein in each meal.

3. Problem: Lack of protein and fat.
If your diet is carbohydrate-heavy, particularly if you rely on refined carbohydrates, you may experience cravings for sweets. Your body requires a balance of nutrients. Protein and fat slow the release of glucose into your bloodstream, stabilizing your energy. Protein-rich foods also pack important nutrients, and healthy fats and oils improve nutrient absorption, boost immunity and increase satiety at meals.

Solution: Eat mixed meals.
Meals containing a mix of complex carbohydrates, protein and fat work best to stabilize energy and avert cravings. Here’s why: Carbohydrates digest quickly, providing fuel immediately after the meal. As the supply of carbohydrates drops off, protein becomes available. When that drops off, fat provides the long-term energy. Having a modest amount of protein and some friendly fat at each meal delays the return of hunger and may stave off all cravings.

4. Problem: Excessive salt intake.
Restaurants, fast-food eateries and processed food companies liberally season with salt to stimulate your palate, pique your interest in processed foods and motivate you to eat more. Chips, crackers, cheese, cured meats, dips, condiments and canned soups can make your salt intake — and desire for sweets — soar. Many commercial cookies, cakes, pies, pastries, frozen desserts and candies also host a hefty dose of salt.

Solution: Slash your salt intake in half.
Halving your salt intake may help normalize your appetite, making it easier to tell when you’re hungry and when you’ve had enough of any particular food. Read labels, even in health food stores, and make lower-sodium selections. Add half as much salt to recipes, then try using half as much salt again the next time you prepare the recipe. Replace high-sodium broth with lower-sodium broth. Better yet, make salt-free chicken and vegetable stocks and broths at home.
At the table, replace the salt shaker with lemon pepper or sea vegetable sprinkles, such as dulse or nori.

5. Problem: Eating too many refined carbohydrates.
Refined foods don’t satisfy your body because they lack the nutrients and filling fiber found in whole foods. It’s easy to over-consume cookies and junk food, but who binges on baked sweet potatoes or slow-cooked oatmeal?

Solution: Replace highly refined foods with nourishing whole foods.
Incorporate at least one sweet vegetable (such as carrots, parsnips, beets, sweet potatoes or winter squash) or cooked or dried fruit into each meal and snack. Satisfy your sweet tooth at mealtime and you won’t have to hunt for dessert after or between meals.

6. Problem: Habitual use of sugar.
Sugar stimulates your appetite — the more you eat, the more you want. Think of your cravings as stray cats. Feed them and they keep coming back. Stop feeding them and eventually those stray desires will disappear!

Solution: Find healthy alternatives to satisfy your sweet tooth.
For fewer calories than those in two chocolate sandwich cookies, you could eat 1 cup of grapes, 1½ cups of melon, 2 cups of strawberries or an apple. Instead of ice cream, purée frozen fruit with a dash of fruit juice concentrate. Or make a smoothie by blending sliced and frozen, but slightly thawed, bananas with diluted peanut, almond or cashew butter in a food processor, adding 1 tablespoon nut butter and 1 tablespoon water per banana, plus one-fourth teaspoon of pure vanilla extract. Replace sugary pumpkin pie with naturally sweet baked winter squash or sweet potato; sprinkle with spices and drizzle with flax oil.

7. Problem: Chronic under-eating.
Over-controlled under-eating usually leads to out-of-control overeating. Your body needs energy. If you don’t consume enough food throughout the day or week, your hunger will eventually win out.

Solution: Smaller, more frequent meals.
Plan and consume smaller, more frequent meals and snacks throughout the day to stabilize your physical and mental energy. Choose bulky, high-nutrient, low calorie-density foods — vegetables, whole fruits, whole grains and lean meat. They allow you to eat a large volume of food without over-consuming calories.

8. Problem: Trying to soothe your emotional pain with food.
No amount of dessert will satisfy your emotional needs or take away your troubles. Reaching for cookies, pastries, ice cream and other high-sugar foods when you feel fearful, angry, lonely, bored, depressed or stressed usually will give you more grief: aches, pains, indigestion, excess body fat and health problems that can make you feel even worse.

Solution: Find healthy ways to satisfy your needs.
Explore nonfood ways to release pent-up energy and create balance in your life. Unwind with a walk, a nap or a relaxation tape. Oust anger by running, riding your bicycle or taking a martial arts or other exercise class. Dance the blues away. Take up tai chi, chi gong, collage making, painting, drawing or meditating. Have fun.

9. Problem: Physical depletion.
Adrenal exhaustion can contribute to cravings for stimulants, such as salt, sugar, alcohol, coffee or drugs. Does the food or drink you crave contain caffeine? Does it drug you, numb you, take you away from the truth or keep you going when you’d otherwise collapse from exhaustion?

Solution: Discover what your body really needs.
What do you want more of and less of in your life? You may benefit from extra sleep, a day or weekend off, gentle exercise, meditation, relaxation tapes, massage, psychotherapy or acupuncture. Search for the root cause of your exhaustion, then commit to your own regeneration and healing.

Chips, almost
 6 Brown Rice or Ezekiel tortillas
1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon Herbamare or spices of your choice
 Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.  Cut the tortillas into quarters and spread them onto the baking sheet. In a small bowl, whisk together the olive oil, and Herbamare, to taste. Drizzle this mixture over the tortilla pieces and toss them together with your hands to coat them evenly. Bake them until golden brown and crisp, about 8 to 10 minutes. Remove them from the oven and let cool.

Bread, almost
250mg (2 cups) of spelt or gluten free flour (Bob’s Mill)
250 mg (2 cups) oatmeal or quinoa flakes
120g (almost 1 cup) of roasted sesame seeds
50g (heaped ½ cup) sunflower or pumpkin seeds
50mg grated almonds or hazelnuts
20g flaxseeds
6 tbsp olive oil
2 tsp of sea salt
375ml cold water
Add spices or herbs if desired
 Mix flour with all dry ingredients. Add oil, water and mix together to make thick dough. Flour a rolling pin and roll the dough out thinly on baking paper- there should be enough to fill 2 cookie sheets (you can put parchment paper on top for easier rolling). Cut the rolled out dough into squares (no need to cut right through). Preheat oven to 475F and bake for 7 minutes. Reduce heat to 350F and bake for another 20-25 minutes. Remove crispbread immediately from cookie sheet and allow to cool. To keep fresh store in cookie tin.

Cookies, almost
   1 cup Rolled Oats or Spelt Flakes or Quinoa Flakes
    ½ Agave Syrup or Date Syrup (dates blended with water)
    ½ cup Almond Butter or organic peanut butter
    ¼ cup Carob Powder

Mix it up and you’re done. No baking required.

Creamy pasta sauce, almost
Brown Rice pasta (your choice of shape and quantity)
1 can of canned navy beans; rinsed
2-3 tbsp of nutritional yeast
½ cup of olive oil
2 tbsp of pesto
Salt and pepper to taste
Cook desired amount of brown rice pasta according to package instructions.
In a blender or food processor puree navy beans, olive oil, pesto and salt and pepper. Toss cooked pasta with mixture. Warm on low heat for a few minutes. The yeast gives the pasta a cheese-like taste.

Fries, almost
2 medium yams
2 cloves of garlic
2 tbsp of pumpkin seeds (ground)
1 tbsp of dried rosemary
1 ½ tbsp of coconut oil or grape seed oil
½ tbsp of basil
Sea salt to taste
Cut yams in wedges or chunks. In bowl, combine garlic, pumpkin seeds, oregano, coconut oil, rosemary, basil and sea salt. Add yams, stirring with your hands to make sure all pieces are covered with the mixture. Spread yams on a baking tray lightly oiled with coconut oil or grape seed oil; bake for 35 minutes. Leave in longer if you prefer them crispier.

It was 1997 and my husband and I had just celebrated our one year anniversary just a few months earlier. We were in the process of taking posession of our first home and although we had promised ourselves to wait to get a dog, we ended up picking up our new puppy the same day we collected the keys to our house.

The classifieds had said Dane-Bouvier pups and so we headed out to a farm just outside of Kitchener.  We had wanted a Great Dane but with a heavy price tag of $1500 and a new mortgage payment we knew we wouldn’t spend that sort of money.  However, $50 we could do.  When we arrived we met the mother - a massive gentle black Great Dane - but grew concerned when we looked around and saw no pups.  The woman who owned the dog and the puppies smiled and said “Oh, it’s just about feeding time. Let me gather them for you.” 

We watched as she headed to the fields and called out three times “Puppies!” and half a dozen heads popped up and came running towards us.  Some were hairy balls like their Bouvier father, some were scraggly with smooth features and beards, but only one was left that looked the “most Dane”.  He had mozied over and lazily pulled on the clasped of my sandle until I had gently pulled him away. I almost didn’t notice him at first compared to the other personalities.

Case in point, his Bouvier looking brother, who was standing directly in the middle of the food that was served and eating. This one on the other hand sidled away and contently sat watching the chaos with his paws tucked under, patiently waiting for whatever was to happen next.  The “next” moment was us agreeing to pick him up in two weeks. We patted him on the head and then spent the ride home trying to figure out names.

There are moments in your life that at the time seem so inconsequential.  Moments, like the first time you shake a person’s hand having no idea they will be your best friend or soul mate, or the first time you pick up a book, and have no idea it is about to change the course of your life.

Duke was one of those type of moments. I had never owned a dog of my own. I grew up with a family dog so I thought I knew what it was to enjoy a pet.  I had no idea, as that little puppy and I studied each other that I was about to enter into my first official puppy love.  The kind that makes you bawl while watching Marley and Me (a movie that I refuse to watch). The kind that makes you worried to the point of distraction while you are away at a conference because your dog (yes your dog) is in surgery. The kind that makes coming home just “that” much better. 

My husband picked me up at work the day we got the house. He had a goofy smile on his face the whole drive back.  He finally pulled into “our” driveway and said. “Well?” I shook my head not understanding and then I saw him reach down under the brake peddle and hand me our puppy.  He had been gently curled up silently watching the entire time - and unbelievably was small enough to fit under his legs.

My heart was gone that first night as I broke my first “dog rule” and let Duke sleep curled around my head.  A year later and 145 pounds bigger I still let him sleep on me in bed (much to the secret delight of my husband).  We’d wake many evenings and laugh as we had both shifted our positions to ensure the dog was comfortable because we didn’t want to disturb him.

It’s almost 13 years later now.  Duke has lived long past the 8-10 years that Dane’s typically live.  I kept telling myself that I would love him into living at least 20 years, but the reality is in the last 6 months he has slowed down and had health concerns. He no longer makes it up the stairs to sleep with us but we find ourselves still adjusting ourselves to make him comfortable.

We now take our meals downstairs to eat so he isn’t alone, we take every opportunity to pet and hug him that we can.  Tonight, we went for our “walk” - a routine inadvertently started when he was a pup that I still maintain. It’s hard not to see the differences. This is the dog who hiked with us into the interior of Algonquin, 8 hours both ways, and ran back and forth between us the entire time. This is the dog who jumped off ledges of rocks into the water and down a natural water slide  just to be with my husband. This is the dog who would look up at me when I was running as if to say, “Is that all you got?”

Now, we walk to the end of my drive way together.  He doesn’t leave my side and nuzzles his nose into my hand.  He leans against my leg and lets out a contented sigh while I get choked up and lean down to press my face into his fur.

Tonight, I will build up a fire and then cuddle my dog while I watch something on television. Not because I’m a huge television watcher but because it’s an excuse to spend time with my dog - my first puppy love, Duke.

I have to be honest, I usually really like people making a big fuss over my birthday. It is the one day, that as a responsible adult, all the attention focuses squarely on me. The telling word in this paragraph is – usually.

This year was different.
I turned 46 on February 13th. I realized that I am now officially closer to 50 than 40 (even seeing that on the screen causes me to grow a touch nauseous.) I wasn’t sure I wanted to draw a lot of attention to that fact. And of course the question surfaces, “Why is that?”

Fifty is getting pretty close to life’s half-time show.
During half-time, commentators review the highlights of the game and speculate on second half strategies. For a girl that spends a great deal of time in self-reflection and self-doubt, this is not an appealing prospect. I may have to look at the ‘score’, whatever that means to me, and see how that connects with what I thought the game would look like by this point.

In my coaching practice, I often ask people to define success for themselves (the score, if you will). I have done the exercise myself because I don’t think it’s right to ask clients to do things I haven’t experienced and so that I can share my answer if that is helpful for them. Success has never really been about money for me. It is about utilizing my God-given gifts and talents, being at choice, and leaving people and places better than I found them. I sometimes wish I had chosen money, because then I could look at a bank statement and know how I’m doing.

My definition is rather nebulous.

Perhaps that is what drives my apprehension about aging.
Am I using my gifts to their full potential?
Am I always at choice?
Did my encounter with that person or place produce a positive result?

So much pressure! And what if, after careful consideration, I determine that I am not on the winning side of the scoreboard? In my book, The Pitch, I talk about playing each half. What that means, essentially, is that the first half is over and nothing can be done to change the outcome. Better to focus on the half that remains unplayed. What can be done to shift the momentum and get the results you desire? Perhaps I needed to ask myself that as I blew out the candles on my cake.

This is a year of change.
My husband’s second career has taken off. My son will be starting high school.  My daughter is becoming a young woman. I have some breathing room. I can really consider what it means to be 46 and what significant contribution I can make as I move boldly toward being 50 (in 4 years). I gather confidence from those who are considerably in front of me in age who continue to contribute to their profession and the world.

I am who I am.
I am 46.
I am a wife and mother.
I have God-given gifts and talents.
I have value.
…and I hope that you know that you do, too.

My husband just left the house. He is beginning a brand new adventure today. When I met him five years ago he was working a job that he didn’t particularly enjoy and the conditions were less than optimal. The one good thing about it was that we met while I was there conducting a training session. After we had been seeing each other a while, and I could tell he was miserable at work, I asked what he always wanted to do for a career. He replied that he had wanted to become a high school English teacher. “So why didn’t you?” I asked. As is the case with many of us, he answered that life had just taken him in another direction.

Funny isn’t it… how much power we give “life”?
Most people spend more time planning their vacations than they do their entire lives. Long story short, to become a teacher he had to upgrade his university marks- a lot! It meant returning to school full time and successfully completing 13 back to back classes and achieve an “A” in each one. With much dedication – and a fabulous support team at home (insert my name and the children’s names here) – he was accepted into the faculty of education. From there he graduated on the President’s Roll.

Following a wedding and major back surgery, he waited a year to apply for employment. In that time, he volunteered at a local high school and a local grade school. When he applied for work, he was interviewed and hired as an occasional teacher (supply teacher for a few days at a time). But he never worked one day as a supply teacher. Instead, he received a call for a long term placement. A contract that was originally scheduled for six weeks; lasted for the entire semester. Before that contract ended, he was offered a permanent full time teaching position at a local high school in the English Department.

He just left the house…
I share this story to offer hope. Hope to dream your dreams, make your plans, and take consistent action in the direction of your goals. Have faith that when you are aligned with what really matters and you follow that still small voice you really can change things.

I like to think there’s something to be learned from every experience we encounter in life. A lesson or shift in consciousness that develops who we are, whether it’s the dawning of gratitude when we continue to wake up in the morning or the realization, after a serious illness, that time is not something to waste.

It has taken me nearly two weeks to come to any clear understanding of what there is for me to learn from the devastating earthquake in Haiti. From the resulting death of a well-known member of my local community, Yvonne Martin. (See attached picture.)  And from the fear that surrounded the tenuous circumstances of another, Alice Soeder. But learning I am.

Yvonne and Alice were part of a seven member medical team that landed in Haiti the day of the earthquake. Loaded with supplies and compassion for those in need, they were embarking on a two-week mission to provide medical care for impoverished Haitians. But within an hour-and-a-half of landing, Yvonne was dead and Alice was stranded amidst the chaos. My friends, family and hometown of Elmira, Ontario were rocked to the core.

Before now I’ve never known anyone caught in the middle of a disaster zone.
Never understood the paralyzing fear that accompanies the silence in the early hours of chaos. It brought an immediate sense of connection to a place I’ve never been. Made me watch closely as events unfolded. And what I saw humbled me. Not only did I observe unimaginable devastation that befell a country, and its people, already on their knees, but I saw something else quite extraordinary – the depths of human compassion.

I’m not talking about the flood of rescuers that descended upon Haiti in the hours after the quake – although these are vital people who reflect the best in human nature. And I’m not talking about the millions of people who pledged money for the relief effort – again, crucial people who recognize we can make a difference in a nation’s future.

I am referring to those who were there before the earthquake. The hundreds, if not thousands, of aid workers who gave of themselves to the Haitian people. I’m talking about the Yvonnes and Alices of the world. About all the medical personnel, educators, builders, police officers, diplomats and caregivers who devoted themselves to helping the poorest of the poor. I am referring to the ones who were there before the world was watching.

And this is where I began to learn.
I have always considered myself to be an aware person. A socially conscious thinker who weaves values and principles into my daily life. I believe that we are all connected, united by our humanness. That we have a shared responsibility to care for one another. And based on that perspective I give back. I donate to charity, sponsor an underprivileged child, give clothes to local organizations and food to the food-bank. I thought I had it all worked out.

But when the earthquake hit Haiti my carefully organized world cracked wide open.  Because knowing someone in that disaster zone immediately altered my perspective. It shone a glaring spotlight on the profound act of humanitarianism; reminded me that ordinary people do extraordinary things for their fellow human beings. Showed me that incredible people, like Yvonne and Alice, routinely leave the safety and security of their own worlds to offer hope and help to those less fortunate. And it made me look at myself. Made me ask, “What am I doing to make a difference?”

And I realized – I am capable of more.
You see, in all that I do to give back I suddenly recognized that I don’t actually stray outside of my comfort zone. Rarely stretch the boundaries of my existence. I give away what I don’t actually want or need. Donate what my budget doesn’t really miss. Yes, I help others. But my efforts don’t actually impact my daily life or existence. Don’t affect me, or anyone else, on a personal level. I don’t seem to fully live my beliefs.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that giving to charity and sponsoring a child are not worthy endeavours. They are. They are essential acts that positively influence those in need. And for many of us they are a tangible way to show the generosity and compassion we have for our fellow human beings. Because we can’t all leave our families, jobs and lives to be physically present where there is need in the world.

But what I am saying is that for me, in the wake of the earthquake and the sudden death of a friend, a new reality hit home. I realized that I have the ability to offer more to the world. I have the desire, skills, time, energy and focus to be more useful. To live my beliefs close up. To make a difference.

I don’t have this all worked out yet. Don’t yet know exactly how I will make a more significant contribution. But I intend to figure it out. Whether I volunteer for local programs like Out of the Cold, or fundraise for a women’s shelter, I know I have the ability and passion to do more. And I will.

The earthquake in Haiti rocked millions of lives. But not just those in the country itself.  I had no ties to Haiti before it happened. But the death of a friend and the fear for another’s safety shook my world beyond belief. And it changed me…forever.

Tonight, I venture into uncharted waters. It is grade eight night at one of the high schools my son is considering attending next year. There are events planned for the potential attendees and events for the parents. When I spoke with the teacher who is organizing the event, she said one of the purposes was to introduce parents to the new world of high school. “Although,” she said sweetly, “It hasn’t been that long since we’ve been in high school…”

Who is she kidding? It has been a LONG time.

Last week, I went to London Ontario by train with my mother and daughter. I was looking forward to the trip. I went to University in London and I wanted to shop with my daughter where I used to go and show her around a bit. We took a taxi to one mall, then decided to take the city bus back downtown to visit another mall I used to frequent before catching the train home. When I asked a very young customer service rep which bus we should take to get to the Eaton Square she looked at me rather strangely. “The Eaton Centre? That’s in Toronto,” she offered.

“Not the Eaton Centre, the Eaton Square.” It was obvious to me, that she had never heard of it. I asked for the bus to the VIA station and that was received much more readily. When we got to what used to be the Eaton Square, I looked around in disbelief. It wasn’t the same. I had been away a long time.

So, I could only imagine how much more my old high school has changed in an even longer absence. Still, I will go and hold my breath. The entrance we were told to use didn’t even exist when I was a student there. Much mommy insecurity flooded over me. If I wasn’t prepared to be able to get inside the building, how could I expect to have adequately prepared my son to navigate its halls on a daily basis?

How could he be expected to make life altering choices, when I myself have only recently got a handle on what I want to do when I grow up?

Facing his future, or mine would be too much, if it weren’t for hope. Hope is the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one’s life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. It is what I hang on to when I realize my resources are limited. It is a critical element for believing in what is possible. I have even turned the word hope into an acronym for myself:

H=honesty, O=options, P=perspective and E=experiment.

Honestly, have I done everything I can to prepare my son to the best of my ability?
What options does he have available to him?
Looking forward 10 years, how might my perspective be different than it is today and how will that long view impact decisions made today?
Life requires some experimentation. Nobody gets it right the first time. Sometimes not the tenth or twentieth time. But choices must be made and action must taken. It is the only way to learn and grow.

The H.O.P.E. Chronicles examine everyday life situations. Hope is a powerful ally.

Poem for Hope A Hong Kong Proverb
As long as we have hope,
we have direction,
the energy to move,
and the map to move by.
We have a hundred alternatives,
a thousand paths and infinity of dreams.
Hopeful, we are halfway to where we want to go;
Hopeless, we are lost forever.

Linda J. Lord
Creative Entrepreneur
The voice for H.O.P.E.
519.257.7363
www.lindajlord.com
linda@lindajlord.com

I sat mesmerized watching my local PBS station. Bill Moyers was interviewing a woman named Leymah Gbowee.  I had been channel-surfing when her presence leaped out at me.  Something about the way she held herself told me I needed to tune in and I wasn’t wrong.

Who is Leymah Gbowee?
She is the woman who single-handily lead an entire  war-torn nation  to peace. She took on the warlord Charles Taylor and managed to get him to agree to peace talks in Ghana.  A Christian woman she reached out and brought churches together and began issuing a series of calls for peace.  From there she reached out to the Muslim organizations and together the Christian and Muslim women brought peace to Liberia.

Abigail Disney did an entire movie on her life called “Pray the Devil Back to Hell” and received numerous awards including the Blue Ribbon for Peace by Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government. She has also been chosen as a recipient of the 2009 John F. Kennedy Profile in Courage Award.

There is something in my soul that awakens when I read about what Leymah did for her country. Such bravery! Such courage! Such humility!  As I sit in the comfort of my life in North America I am so far removed from the challenges and fights that my sisters around the world must face.  This past holiday season I am embarassed to say that the “biggest fight” some of my Christian sisters faced was sending around emails telling people to keep “Christ in Christmas”.  I mean no disrespect to those that are passionate on that topic, but how blessed are we that this is our biggest concern?

We do not wake up each day wondering what to eat instead we count calories as we determine how much to eat. We do not wake up in the morning knowing we will hear of a friend or classmate who is gone and their entire family slaughtered along with them. We simply wonder when we can next get together for lunch.

Our world, here in North America, is one of abundance.  A wealth of blessings beyond measure that include peace and liberty. As Leymah explains that women in her country understand that death, at one point, was better than life I sit dumbfounded staring at the television.

What can we learn from Leymah?
I was captivated by the fact that Leymah accomplished all she did and it started with a dream . One where she was told to get the women of the Church together to pray for peace.  As she thought about that dream more ideas kept coming.  Interestingly, Leymah explains in an interview that when she had that dream she felt “oddly placed” and was sure she was the “wrong person for the job”.   She was also terrified and resisted being placed into a leadership position. [Watch the Interview Here]

What is the challenge you think you are facing today?  Leymah shows women around the world there is nothing that you cannot accomplish but you must step out in faith. Step out towards your “crazy dream” and the world may very well shift around you as a result.

So what is my crazy dream?
Truth be told I have a few but they all  have one thing in common. It involves leaving the world a better place and “Changing the World for Good.”  I’ve even stepped out in faith.  I reached out to Leymah after seeing her on TV. I felt humbled and silly at the time as I saw pictures of her with Oprah and Caroline Kennedy.  I took a deep breath and did it anyway. I told myself, ‘Even if she never sees the request at least I’m taking a step.’

Wouldn’t you know it? She actually wrote me back!

My “crazy dream” is still in its infancy but who knows…perhaps this is just the beginning. More to come…

My Favourite Quote By Leymah:

” If you’re hungry, keep walking. If you are thirsty, keep walking. If you want a taste of freedom, keep walking. For us, women of Liberia, this award is a call that we will keep walking until peace, justice and the rights of women is not a dream, but is a thing of the present. ” - Leymah Gbowee