by Linda J. Lord

I have to be honest, I usually really like people making a big fuss over my birthday. It is the one day, that as a responsible adult, all the attention focuses squarely on me. The telling word in this paragraph is – usually.

This year was different.
I turned 46 on February 13th. I realized that I am now officially closer to 50 than 40 (even seeing that on the screen causes me to grow a touch nauseous.) I wasn’t sure I wanted to draw a lot of attention to that fact. And of course the question surfaces, “Why is that?”

Fifty is getting pretty close to life’s half-time show.
During half-time, commentators review the highlights of the game and speculate on second half strategies. For a girl that spends a great deal of time in self-reflection and self-doubt, this is not an appealing prospect. I may have to look at the ‘score’, whatever that means to me, and see how that connects with what I thought the game would look like by this point.

In my coaching practice, I often ask people to define success for themselves (the score, if you will). I have done the exercise myself because I don’t think it’s right to ask clients to do things I haven’t experienced and so that I can share my answer if that is helpful for them. Success has never really been about money for me. It is about utilizing my God-given gifts and talents, being at choice, and leaving people and places better than I found them. I sometimes wish I had chosen money, because then I could look at a bank statement and know how I’m doing.

My definition is rather nebulous.

Perhaps that is what drives my apprehension about aging.
Am I using my gifts to their full potential?
Am I always at choice?
Did my encounter with that person or place produce a positive result?

So much pressure! And what if, after careful consideration, I determine that I am not on the winning side of the scoreboard? In my book, The Pitch, I talk about playing each half. What that means, essentially, is that the first half is over and nothing can be done to change the outcome. Better to focus on the half that remains unplayed. What can be done to shift the momentum and get the results you desire? Perhaps I needed to ask myself that as I blew out the candles on my cake.

This is a year of change.
My husband’s second career has taken off. My son will be starting high school.  My daughter is becoming a young woman. I have some breathing room. I can really consider what it means to be 46 and what significant contribution I can make as I move boldly toward being 50 (in 4 years). I gather confidence from those who are considerably in front of me in age who continue to contribute to their profession and the world.

I am who I am.
I am 46.
I am a wife and mother.
I have God-given gifts and talents.
I have value.
…and I hope that you know that you do, too.

Filed under: Author Linda J. Lord, The HOPE Chronicles